FREEDOM

It has been exactly one year since my last post. Today seemed like the perfect day for an update. A LOT can happen in a year! (more on that in another post)

Just over a year ago I had a revelation about FREEDOM that changed my life.

From my journal:

April 17, 2012

My thinking up until recently had been that I would have the victory or freedom when "all was said and done" or when I could say, "this is what God did, Praise the Lord!", but today as I walked around the neighborhood feeling much like a daughter feeling full and confident, it dawned on me - THIS is the victory, the FREEDOM - NOT caring what the outcome is but, basking, growing and celebrating the journey. The victory is I AM a daughter with a Daddy that loves her and no verdict or outcome can change that. I have the freedom to face ALL that lies before me without fear. So, even with no idea what the outcome is in any given situation, but SURE that the journey is making me more of the woman He created me to be.

Liberty in Strong's Concordance is 1657 freedom from 1658 which is unrestrained, not a slave, exempt from obligation or liability.

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: Romans 8:15-16

Liability is something that works to one's disadvantage. FEAR was my liability. Only in coming out of bondage to FEAR and receiving the Spirit of adoption could I cry "Abba, Father" and BE a daughter. I love being a daughter!

FREEDOM from Webster's dictionary is the state or quality of being free exemption or liberation from the control of some other person or some arbitrary power. I do not want to be controlled by some arbitrary power (For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12)

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Galations 5:5

But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the word, this man shall be blessed in his deed. James 1:25

I'M BACK!

As I sat down to type this a friend from church called to ask me for a favor. During our conversation the Lord reminded her of something I said months ago and she wanted to speak TRUTH to me. She basically told me exactly what is typed above. What great confirmation from my Abba (Daddy).

FREE,

PEACE

Early on when my husband left I was so concerned about the children, looking back – overly concerned. I had several people tell me they could see the peace in my children and I was sure they were “just saying that.” I remember thinking, “How could they have peace?” The bible says, “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” James 3:16 There was almost an immediate sense of peace when the strife was gone, but I still didn't believe it for my kids. I was interjecting and confusing my struggles as a child of divorce and was afraid for them (which meant I was NOT trusting God). It is a blessing for me as I realize that as I diligently seek the Lord I am overcoming and so are they, because of HIM they do not have to live out my generational iniquities.

As I was reading the bible the other day I read this again in Isaiah 54 verse 13, “And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.” I immediately thanked God for giving me confirmation about my children's peace. He is teaching them and GREAT is their peace. I had to hear it from Him before I would believe it, which is the way it I should be in every area of my life.

Who or what are you believing?

HOW DO YOU HANDLE A COMPLIMENT?

In the last few months I’ve had many people encouraging me and exhorting me and a lot of it has come in the form of compliments. I remember the first time my friend said, “You are a great mom.” I could hear her, but I could also hear, “That’s because she doesn’t really know you. That’s because she didn’t see you yesterday…” Who do you think said that? My enemy, the thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I can be real with this friend, REALLY REAL, so I told her what was happening and that when she was going to compliment me she was going to have to speak to those things first and tell them to step aside because she had something to say to me. It continued to happen when her or others spoke words of praise to me.

As I mentioned in the last post God is teaching me about my identity and through that I am learning to love myself. Did you know the bible repeatedly says to love yourself? (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8)

A couple of weeks ago during lunch with friends one of them said, “You are funny.” And I said, “I know.” Then I stopped midsentence and said, “Did you hear that? I’m learning to love myself.” It was definitely an A-HA moment! I think I could hear the angels singing.

It has been a process of me learning who I really am and agreeing with what God says about me and what others who love Him and me have to say about me. It has been really important to pay attention to the things I hear when others are encouraging me and exhorting me because that is where the breakdown starts. When I listen to the voice of my enemy and begin to give ear to his words instead of my Father’s I begin to accuse my Daddy of being a liar. Sounds harsh, but it is true.

So, how do you handle compliments?

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE

The day we came to look at the house we are living in now I told the kids that we needed to pray and ask the Lord for clear direction. I told them that if the Lord gave them a verse or anything to tell me. About ten minutes down the road I hear from the backseat, "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord whether that is in the old house or the new house." Alrighty then!

The day we moved in I saw there was a framed print in one of the rooms "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord" Such great confirmation.

John Waller has a song called As For Me and My House and it is awesome. You can download it for free here by making a declaration that you are serving the Lord in your household.

In the song it says:

Idols raised, tear them down

For me it was a startling revelation that my husband had become an idol to me. During the Beth Moore Breaking Free study, she gives a testimony about her son-in-law. He puts his son to bed everynight and says something like "I'm proud to be your dad, I think you have what it takes to be a great man and I love you" and everynight the toddler looks up and says, "I want juice." The Lord used that story to show me how He has told me, "Mari I'm proud to be your dad, I think you have what it takes to be a great woman and I love you" and I would look up at Him and say, "I want Todd." I rejected God's love seeking the love of a man. Oh, that was a humbling revelation. I repented for idolatry and am now seeking the Lord in ALL areas of my life.

What or who are your idols? Are you ready to tear them down? Whose kingdom are you building?

WHO AM I, REALLY?

God has really been teaching me about my identity. Throughout my life I guess I could say I’ve never known who I really am. Recently I realized that my identity came from the various titles I’ve had over the course of my life. Over the last several months many of my titles have been stripped away. I’m no longer a business owner, I’m no longer a homeschool mom and I’m no longer a wife. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was in my “titles.” The truth is I am a DAUGHTER, not just a DAUGHTER, but the DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD and that is enough.

This is a brand new revelation and I’m learning how to just be a daughter (of course I’m still a mommy), but truly resting in the fact that being a daughter is enough. I’m accepted and loved based on that alone! That is still sinking in.

What does it look like to be a DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD? I’m not sure yet and honestly it still makes me squirm and twitch a bit. I’m learning to let people love me, just me, a girl who doesn’t have it all figured out.

I’m blessed to be a part of a church body where no one has “arrived” and we are given opportunities every service to share our struggles and our victories. It is through this that I have been able to grow and learn that being a daughter is a high and holy calling and that I AM GOING TO MESS UP AND IT’S OKAY. Did you catch that? It is okay to mess up! THAT REALLY MESSES ME UP!

Who are you? Where do you get your identity? Have you asked your Daddy who you are? If not, read His Word and He will reveal it to you.

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: John 1:12

THE TRUTH ALWAYS COMES OUT

photo credit

Three months ago after clear confirmation from the Lord I moved my children and myself to a new town. My husband had left home almost two months prior and we needed a smaller home with more support nearby. We are in a wonderful place of peace, support and love, but I’m still struggling. How is that possible you ask? Yea, I ask too? With little signs of change in me I wondered, “What am I doing here?” All this love around me and I feel unchanged! Well, that was until we made lemon bars.

It was a Saturday afternoon and my oldest daughter and I were making lemon bars from a boxed mix and seemingly out of the blue she said, “You are getting so excited about things mommy. As God is helping us and people are supporting us you are getting more and more excited.” I stopped for a moment and pondered her words. She was RIGHT! I am getting excited about things, again. It’s been a long time. After thinking about it for awhile, I said to her, “As I stop agreeing with the enemy about who I am mommy is becoming the woman God created me to be from the beginning of time.” That’s EXCITING!

Even in this the enemy had the blinders on me, so I could not see that indeed I was changing (being set free). He would love for me to think that I’m going to remain the same, regardless and eventually would love for me to give up and accuse God. But God, out of the mouths of babes…stilled the enemy and avenger (once again). (Psalm 8:2)

As I am seeking God with my whole heart, He is leading me into ALL TRUTH!

The next day at church the whole service was a time of sharing what God is doing in your heart and my daughter and I were able to share this. She even spoke in the microphone through tears and told everyone what she had told me and I talked about what God showed me through that. It was a precious experience! I also shared that I don't even know who that woman is yet, I'm just at the beginning of this revelation, but am excited to learn more and more!

Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.

THE PROMISED LAND

Today I am 40!!! Praise the Lord! I am so grateful to Him for my life and all the blessings I have. I got a birthday card this week and it said something like, "40 is a great year for fresh starts." I was recalling it during breakfast yesterday and remembered the Israelites, they wandered around 40 years and then entered the Promised Land. I believe I am entering my Promised Land as I agree with the Lord about my life. Today during church the Lord gave me this in Exodus 14:

9But the Egyptians pursued after them, all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen, and his army, and overtook them encamping by the sea, beside Pihahiroth, before Baalzephon.

10And when Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD.

11And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?

12Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.

13And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.

14The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

That is so me...whining in the wilderness and wanting to go back and serve the Egyptians (sin, behaviors, idols, places) He is delivering me from...but Moses said, "...for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever."

Click here for links to my previous posts relating to my difficulty in staying in the season the Lord has me in. This verse gave me great revelation of the problem and great hope for the solution!

The Lord has told me, repeatedly, that some of the battles I am in now are going to be finished works (more on that later), so I look forward to entering in...

LOVE IS...

patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Even before I had a relationship with the Lord this was my very favorite bible verse. I have always loved love. What does it mean to love love? Let’s just say I believed in fairy tales, which can also be referred to as a hopeless romantic. I used to read this verse and dream of my future husband because I did not understand that this verse describes the very nature of God. At that time in my life I only knew of a God that was to be feared and if I did enough good then he might do something good for me. It was not all bad because I held out for love and when I found the kind of love mentioned above it was in an intimate relationship with the Father. He put the desire for love in my heart knowing that He was the only one who could ever fit the bill.

Anyway, recently while at my niece’s first birthday my sister-in-law commented on how Brooke gets in the dishwasher because she wants to help. What? Help? That thought never crossed my mind when Kaira got in the dishwasher, I went straight to anger (she’s being disobedient, she’s being destructive, etc.). It made me realize that I tend to think the “worst” first and immediately I knew that was contradictory to scripture. 1 Corinthians 12:7 in the Amplified bible says, “Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. So, we are to “believe the best” not the “worst”. I asked God to help me in this area, I wanted to line up with His Word.

From an early age I saw the worst of people (to the extremes) and I guess I just began to expect it, so you can guess what I got…the worst of people. It does not matter that my life was filled with the worst, the bible says to expect the best…so, I have a decision to make: a) keep doing what I’ve always done and keep getting what I’ve always gotten or b) agree with God. Of course, I choose the latter.

I had a woman from our church and her two daughters over for tea this week and we got to talking about a lot of things, which led me to pull out my notebook from a conference earlier this year. The first thing I turned to was the page with notes from the accusation teaching. They teach the manifestations in our lives when the spirit of accusation is present. I was amazed, blessed and blown away by what I read first:

From my notes:
We accuse others – love is to think the best and the enemy tries to get us to focus on the worst

Believe me when I read that I was praising God. He gave me the revelation I needed to be free from this spirit that is causing me to disagree with Him. We know that Satan is the accuser and he will accuse us, have others accuse us or have us accuse God. I certainly did not want this operating in my life.

I repented to the Father for agreeing with this spirit and asked forgiveness and cast out that spirit of accusation. Now through my obedience and being transformed by the renewing of my mind I will begin to line up with the word of God. I am excited to see how this will impact my life, my marriage and my children.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

80s FLASHBACK

The year was 1985 and I looked the part, fluorescent clothes (even make-up), uniquely 80s layered hair, ultra-teased with tons of Aquanet hairspray, thick belts, matching socks, earrings in every color and O-rings (remember Madonna wore them?). I probably would have never attempted some of what I did had I not been in the best company I had ever been in my whole life.

8th grade prom 1985 - me in the blue dress

The previous year I had come out of a school that was, by today’s standards, abusive to put it mildly and getting no better as I got older. After begging my mom to send me to another school and seeing she was not going to budge, I played the only card I had not played – I want to go live with my father! It was March I think and I was on a plane to Atlanta and I was going to be enrolled in public school for the first time in my life. Because I was the “new” kid from Miami, I was of interest to many. I made lots of friends, fast, I had only a handful in the school I left behind, despite my best efforts to “fit in”. After completing 7th grade I was on my way to high school, that is how it worked in the school district my dad lived in. My mother wanted me to come home and I said I would not go back to “that school”, so she agreed to let me attend another private school started by my first grade teacher.

Just for some background, I was terrified of school, I cried everyday, even some in college. In first grade I had Mrs. Santos, so it was better and my best friend Tina was in my class too. We were teacher’s pets, so we had no other friends, but that was okay because we had each other. Anyway, Mrs. Santos was the most loving woman I had ever met and I enjoyed being around and her and felt somewhat normal and safe in her presence.

Fast forward, it’s now 1984 and I am on my way to Mrs. Santos' school. She is the founder, principal and the 8th grade teacher. Now in my mind it just didn’t get any better than this, except that our 8th grade class was 20 strong and we were ALL friends. It was the best year of schooling for me and probably the happiest I ever was. Again, I felt loved and safe everyday! The school only went to 8th grade that meant graduation was inevitable. I was valedictorian for our class and had my speech prepared, but I cried the whole time, so Mrs. Santos read it. Everyone cried, and I mean cried a lot! We were like family and we were all going to different schools, I was actually moving about a half hour away. It was not a happy day!

Since 1985 I have kept in touch with Mrs. Santos yearly. Christmas cards, letters, visits and birth announcements. Our relationship has changed over the years as it should now that I am an adult. I have had two opportunities to see her this year. In February I took my kids to the school and showed them around and they got to meet her and her husband. It was a wonderful time. Then she said, that they would be having a tribute to my class this year at graduation and prom because it was the 25th anniversary of our graduation and we were the first graduating class. I was so excited. I began to feel the Lord’s gentle nudging that this was Him working.

Mrs. Santos invited me to give my speech from '85 at graduation and I was excited to have the opportunity, but even more excited when she gave me her blessing to say “whatever you want”. The Lord’s hand was moving. In prayer He lead me to verses of encouragement for the graduates. I asked her if she wanted me to tell her what I was going to say and she said she did not need to see it ahead of time.

I had the awesome opportunity to meet her, her family and the 8th grade graduates for a weekend of fun at Busch Gardens and Adventure Island just before graduation.

I was able to get in touch with a few friends from my graduating class and they were going to be at graduation too. It was thrilling! I had Isabella and Annais with me, which made it extra special.

On the drive down, I listened to Francis Chan’s Crazy Love and it solidified a lot of what I heard the Lord speaking to my heart. My kids and I had prayer time the day before and asked the Lord to prepare hearts for what He had to say.

Tuesday morning before graduation as I got ready the Lord spoke to me and said, “You were valedictorian 25 years ago because I have something to say to these people TODAY.” Wow, knock me over! This made it all the more exciting because my purpose was sure.

When Mrs. Santos introduced me she said that she was not giving a speech that day, that I was giving the principal’s address. Did you catch that? A high-school dropout with some college, the principal’s address? This is how God works. He instantly put me in position of authority and although most people there didn’t know me, I now had their attention. They would HEAR His word. She also said that I was here to give them a message of HOPE. Remember she did not know what I was going to say. So, for the first time I gave my speech, at least parts of it. I also shared the verses the Lord gave me and I told them that He loved them. That He died for them, individually and He has a purpose and a plan, a good one, for each of them. I told them 25 years ago I needed a family and the Lord sets the lonely in families and the Lord had brought me to that school. I told them how He rescued me out of deep waters because He delighted in me and how He delights in them. I told them their lives were before them and mine was still before me - in Him. I also shared with them what the Lord had spoken to my heart that morning, that HE had a message for them. I only spoke 8-10 minutes, but as I took my seat I was humbled by the opportunity the Lord gave me to share with people that I love. Best of all my oldest two were a part of all this and watched God work.

I went out to lunch with my two best friends from 8th grade and they both told me they were proud of me, even one of their husbands told me. I just smiled because I knew it was the Lord. They had nothing to be proud of me for. They don’t know what kind of house I live in, car I drive or much else about me for that matter, but they said they were proud. That just doesn’t “happen”. The world only tells us they are proud of us when we produce evidence that we are worthy of their praise. The only thing I shared with them was His love and now that - that is something to be PROUD of!


Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's - Psalm 103:4-5

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us Eph 3:20

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

THE ISSUE OF TRUST

If you missed the previous post Turning Point click here

The sermon on Mother’s Day was Trust, specifically trusting God! Just what I needed to hear, it shook up stuff in me and when it all settled things were a little clearer, Praise God. The scripture was from Jeremiah 17:5-8:

This is what the LORD says:
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

The last verse stands out to me because as you remember, Psalm 1 – trees planted by streams of water – was the scripture and theme the Lord gave me for our homeschool year. A couple of weeks before this sermon, one of the pastor’s wives handed me this:

She said she wasn’t sure what it meant, but I knew immediately, it was the Lord confirming His word to me.

This sermon on trusting Him helped me link Psalm 1 and Jeremiah 17, specifically the tree planted by streams of water, together with trusting Him. So, that is what He has been trying to teach me all year?! I love when things come together, even if it took me an entire school year - better late than never. I cannot be a tree planted by streams of water that does not fear when heat comes if I do not trust Him.

I’ve mentioned before that this has been a most difficult year and I have struggled a lot spiritually, but a lot of that stems from not trusting God. The pastor said, “The God who made all things, makes all things new.” I needed to hear that and maybe you do too wherever you’re at today.

A friend called a couple of months ago and told me she had to talk to me about a dream she had about us. She said that her and I were together and we were running from a combine. We were hiding in a church basement to escape this combine. When sharing this with her husband he pointed out to her that combines are used to sift wheat from chaff. I told her that it was just like us to run! We have both been dealing with fear and anxiety this year, so running would be apropos. I knew the Lord was telling both of us something. He was doing something and He was doing something deep and we needed to stop running and let Him do it.

In his sermon the pastor said, “We run away from things in our life that would produce trust in us.” "Huh, you talking to me?", I asked...as I crawled under the seat.

If I run from the combine (the Lord), the sifting of the good from the bad, then I am not putting myself in a position to trust in God. I run because the sifting is painful and I’m afraid of pain, especially emotional. If I run and everything stays the same I do not see what God wants to do. I stay in my fear and other the stuff that goes with it and I continue not trusting Him. It’s a pretty vicious cycle if you ask me, one that I’d rather be done with for good. So, I resigned myself to go through the fire or the pruning if you will, I’m sitting still in the field waiting for the combine.

Before we left this church almost two years ago I began to trust so much in the church, pastors and people (of course I did not know I was doing this at the time), God had to take me out of there and get me totally dependent on Him, so I would learn to trust Him and only Him. Remember I felt released to return when I recognized and repented for those things – it took a year and a half.

“Learning to trust will produce the things in you that you need to survive any storm and walk through any fire. It will produce gratitude. It will produce joy. It will bring peace.” Tom Tanner

The pastor asked a tough question:

Where do you go or to whom do you turn when it comes to meeting the deepest needs of your life?

Acceptance (knowing that you are cared for loved and wanted)
Security (knowing that you are safe, protected and provided for)
Identity (believing that you are special and significant)
Purpose (believing that you are put here for a reason)

Ugh, he got me again! This is where the Lord began speaking to me about my misguided expectations of the church and my husband.

All these needs are well and good, but we MUST go to God first! I’m not sure what all this looks like, but I know that it is true. Read the following exhortation that ended the sermon and it is the merry-go-round that has been my life for almost two years.

When we trust in people or we trust in things then our security is dependant upon someone or something that we cannot predict we cannot control and whose resources are limited and the result is inconsistency and frustration. One day we may feel good the next day we’ll feel bad the next day we’ll feel good the next day we’ll feel bad and that’s the way it works when you choose to trust in people or things for your security. When you choose to trust in people or things for your identity then you’re identity will come more than likely from one of two places either from what you do or what people say about you and both of those things will get you into trouble. Because your significance and your identity will depend on circumstances and responses that you can’t control.. When you depend on acceptance when you look to other people or things for acceptance your acceptance is based on gaining approval from others which leads to a life of performance. You will find that you will do just about anything to gain acceptance and in trying to gain acceptance you will in fact loose your identity. When you look to people or things for your purpose then your purpose becomes confused by changing circumstances and by the changing opinions of both your critics and your friends. When you trust in God and you look to Him for all of these things then your security is dependant upon one who is totally faithful and whose resources infinite unlimited. Your identity is found in one who will never fail you, never forsake you and who has pledged to love you forever. Your acceptance is found in one who knows you completely and loves you unconditionally. Your purpose is grounded and rooted in God’s plan for you, not man’s opinion of you.

I don’t know what this trust thing looks like, but I am committed to trusting God to work this out in me. I trust in Him to walk alongside me on this journey and remove things that hinder me trusting Him and place things in me that enhance me trusting Him. The good news is because I am trusting Him I don't have to figure this out, He will! Amen to that!

During the sermon the pastor asked someone this question, “Why did Peter warm his hands in the enemies fire?” Mark 14:54 and the answer was, “because his hands were cold.” He had a real need, he just went to the wrong place to get his needs met, so it is with me and I for one am tired of warming my hands in enemy fire because I ALWAYS get burned!!!

You can hear the sermon in its entirety here click on May 9, 2010

Trusting God,

TURNING POINT

As I sat in my first of two different services on Mother’s Day I never expected to be called to action. As I’ve mentioned before one of the songs that morning was called Potter’s Wheel by Daniel Bashta and the words are:

Make me
Shape me
Into everything that You want me to be

Make me
Shape me
Into everything that You want me to be and more

So place me on the potter’s wheel
Spin me until
There’s nothing left but You in my life
Cause brokenness is what I want
So do a work Yeah in my heart
So when You look at me
You see Your reflection

I sang those words with a deep desire for God to do the things in my heart that the song talks about. Worship is the biggest part of my relationship with God. It has become an act of prayer for me, it is where I connect with Him in deep and intimate ways and cry out to Him from the depths of my heart and spirit. It is where I truly see Him in all His glory, majesty and splendor. It doesn’t matter that I can’t carry a tune, I sing anyway! I just did not expect His first answer to come just after communion.

In a post a while back I talked about seasons and how I have tendency to go back to old seasons, which by the way is disobedience. I do it because I’m afraid, which by the way is a lack of trust. See how this is all fitting together? Trust and obey, there is no other way. Amazing how He does that. Anyway, in the post about seasons I talked about being wounded as a result of my disobedience. Well, shortly after that post the Lord told me to go to that person and repent and ask for forgiveness. I talked to him and told him I needed to come see him, but have not done it yet. I have a good relationship with him, so I am completely comfortable with doing this, but on Mother’s Day the Lord called me to repent not to that person (he wasn’t there), but to the senior pastor (who I do not have a relationship with) much more difficult. Because the Lord totally blew me away with the card I sent to Nita I was quick to obey, no hesitation or stalling this time. After the service I told my husband I would be right back and I headed straight for the pastor. I was already crying when I got there. His sermon that day was on trusting God and I realized that for a long time I had trusted the church, pastors, people, etc. more than I trusted God. I harbored anger, bitterness and unforgiveness towards them for things they were never supposed to do in the first place. So, I told him all this and repented to him and asked his forgiveness. He said he was sorry and I said I was sorry too and that was the end of that, but I knew something shifted in me spiritually at that moment.

I still plan on speaking to the other pastors, but I was obedient to what God told me to do that day. It released me and I felt lighter leaving. We are now back at the church, we’ve come full circle and I believe that was key in God releasing us to be back there. It is like coming home. I never wanted to leave in the first place and was SLOW to leave and, you guessed it, OBEY. I’ll share more about that next time because I don’t want this post to be too long and lose anyone. I will also share highlights of his sermon on trusting God, you don’t want to miss it.

God is faithful and trustworthy and ALWAYS has our best interest at heart.

Romans 2:4 Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?

SOMETHING I LEFT OUT

Follow-up to yesterday's post read first

The Lord reminded me of a very important lesson I left out from yesterday’s post. As I attempted to hold onto something that was not mine, the Lord asked me what else I was holding onto? What? Me? “Yes, you are holding onto many things that don’t belong to you!” Ouch! Of course, He was right and after careful examination this is what I came up with.

I hold onto behaviors that are not pleasing to the Lord, but since I don’t trust Him I rely on these behaviors to keep me “safe”. In reality I am not “safe” just deeper in bondage. A pastor approached me once and said, “The Lord says that the fear will not keep you safe, He will.” That is truth, but I hold onto the fear for dear life although the Lord says “FEAR NOT” in His word I think 365 times. I’m a slow learner sometimes.

I hold onto things because I am afraid of lacking. God says in His Word, “My people shall lack no good thing.” I have a hard time with that because of my trust issue, but I’m working on that. I will keep certain things in case I need them someday instead of trusting His provision. My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in Glory.

I hold onto relationships, ones that are dead or dying simply because I don’t want to let go or am afraid to let go. I was reminded of this recently when talking to a friend from elementary school. We haven’t spoken in over 20 years and she never asked me one question about me, but proceeded to talk about herself. She was no different back then, but I held onto the relationship. It made me sad that I was willing to maintain a relationship like that just to have a “friend”.

We all hold onto things that the Lord would rather see us let go of. Things that keep us from His BEST for us, things that keep us from His BLESSINGS, things that keep us from His WILL for our lives. I’m still recognizing things that I’m holding onto and asking Him to show me how to let go, because I cannot do it on my own.

I am reminded again of the blessing of obedience, if the Lord says let it go then I can let go in total peace and trust! Trust and obey, there is no other way.

TRUST AND OBEY, THERE IS NO OTHER WAY

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Words from a hymn written in 1887, but the words and message are timeless!

If I really sit down and think about why I do not obey, it usually comes down to a lack of trust.

At the end of March I took Judah for prayer for his ear infections. It had been a couple of years since I had been to that particular church’s prayer night. After they were done praying for me and Judah a lady called me over and handed me two pictures that she had painted for me while I was receiving prayer.

(Sorry for the terrible picture, I tried taking it over and over again. The text says, "I have set angels in charge over you. You are never alone.")

This one immediately ministered to me because Isabella had asked me to read the story of Jesus’ temptation in the desert before I left the house. For the first time the last line really stood out to me and became rhema:

Matthew 4:11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.

The next picture ministered to me for a moment and I cried, but the Lord told me this one was not for me and He told me who it was for.




A little girl approached me as I left and handed me yet another painting (above) and said that it was “the Lord’s presence”. Needless to say I was extremely blessed and full leaving there that night. I came home and taped the two pictures from the lady to my bathroom mirror and gave the one from the little girl to Isabella.

The Lord kept gently reminding me to send the one of the jar with tears to someone else. I hesitated, I stalled, I flat out disobeyed. I wanted that for myself, I wanted the constant reminder that He sees ME. I could not let go of that tangible reminder. I was feeling forgotten by God, unseen, desperate for Him and I did NOT trust Him.

About a month later I knew that I would be seeing the lady who the picture was for, so I sat down with the picture, a card and a pen. I cried. I mean really cried. I wrote to her telling her that the Lord said this was for her and that I did not want to give it to her, but He was telling me to trust Him. I put the picture in the card and sealed the envelope and headed to the meeting. She was not there. I asked someone if they would see her and they said they would not – maybe I could just keep it after all? No! I addressed it and put it in the mailbox. My well meaning son brought me the mail, not really, it was just the card that I had put in there. Hmmm, maybe I could still keep it? No! I explained to him that it was outgoing mail and asked him to take it back. Two days later I read this (please click on the link and read Nita's post, it is overwhelming). I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God, I cried and cried. The blessing for me was not in the keeping of that which did not belong to me, but the giving it away. Despite my disobedience the Lord used that picture at the perfect time to bless Nita and Drew. I was left speechless at what the Lord did.

You know what the message was at the meeting that night, the night that I took the picture to its rightful owner...That God in the Old Testament is El Roi, THE GOD WHO SEES.

This is not to puff myself up or pat myself on the back for my obedience, I just want to share the result of obedience (even delayed obedience). The Lord used this situation to show me that the blessing is in the obedience. He was preparing me for an even greater task just a week later…I’ll share that next time.

Until then, do you really trust Him? Are you obeying Him? If not, why not? The more I learn to trust Him the easier it is to obey Him especially when I see how He took my mustard seed and multiplied it!

POTTER'S WHEEL - TSMSS

For Mother's Day my request was simple I wanted to attend two worship services. This song was played during the first worship service. They played a video similar to the one in this post (maybe even the same one). Isn't it amazing when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you ARE where you ARE supposed to be?

God is shaping me, molding me into who He wants me to be and although it's painful at times I am willing (sometimes kicking and screaming) to withstand the discomfort to rid myself of the things that remain that are not of Him. I want to see, I want others to see, I want Him to see His reflection.

Worship was very powerful for me that morning and the message even more so, you can listen to it here. It is listed as the Mother's Day sermon, but it was on TRUST. A couple of years ago I realized that I did not trust God and we worked through that or so I thought, now there seems to be a whole new layer to it. I haven't trusted Him in a long time, I have accused Him and I have doubted His intentions. I have no reason not to trust Him other than I attach disappointments I've experienced to Him. Disappointments with my dad, my husband, church, etc. I wrap it all up together, but it doesn't fit in a neat little package because God cannot fit in a box with humanity.

Let me just state for the record that God has NEVER let me down! He has always done exceedingly abundantly more than I could ask, think or imagine, ALWAYS! He is faithful because that is who He is, He cannot deny Himself or His Word. I on the other hand fall short. I start looking around at people, places and things for comfort and reprieve and when it doesn't come I doubt that God loves me, that He cares about me or that He will do anything about the situation. I was so convicted during worship about my attitudes towards God, it was humbling and sad at the same time.

I have let fear override my faith and get me into a dangerous place with the Lord. Sunday it was as if a light bulb went on. You always hear people talk about peeling back the layers of an onion and I was reminded of this on Sunday. This is another layer of my walk with Him, He is taking me deeper, but He must remove another layer...He must! So, I surrender and I sing:

Make me
Shape me
Into everything that You want me to be

Make me
Shape me
Into everything that You want me to be and more

So place me on the potter’s wheel
Spin me until
There’s nothing left but You in my life
Cause brokenness is what I want
So do a work Yeah in my heart
So when You look at me
You see Your reflection


Song by Daniel Bashta

Be blessed and be changed!

Joining Amy for Then Sings my Soul Saturday.

THE CANADIANS, THE MINNESOTANS, A GEORGIAN AND ME

A week ago I was blessed to attend a week long conference at my church. I have been to this conference before, but not alone and not without all my kids close by, so to be there by myself was a miracle and a blessing. My husband and I discussed this last year and agreed that this year I would go solo. He took a week’s vacation and I was off to spend time with the Lord, much needed time I might add.

This year has been one of the hardest years I have had since becoming a Christian a little over ten years ago. One thing that changed significantly was the time I spent with the Lord; this was due to some time constraints and largely due to confusing what the enemy was doing in my life for God. Be careful, the enemy comes as an angel of light and it will sound so good and so spiritual, but in reality he is planning your death! What I thought was the Lord speaking to me was the enemy and he knew he was orchestrating circumstances, so that when I needed the Lord the most my intimacy with Him would be at an all time low.

After recognizing this I repented and cried out to the Lord and told Him how much I missed Him and how much I wanted our intimacy back. He answered that prayer a hundred fold. I know He never left, but in confusion I did.

Anyway, back to the conference. I drove the two hours to our church, checked in and expectantly waited to meet my Daddy. I stayed with a lady from the church which was just the perfect place for me; she was kind and prayed for me Sunday just after orientation. During orientation I met a girl who lives about an hour from me and we sat next to each other and there we stayed all week.

Monday I woke up excited, I could hardly wait to see what the Lord had in store for me. I got ready and walked out of the house with my tea travel mug…it was going to be a GREAT day! When I got in the car it said 7:15 a.m., what? I did not have to leave until 8:15 a.m. I headed back in the house and put in a CD. It was Kutless’ Strong Tower. As I listened to Ready for You my spirit soared and I surrendered myself to Him to make His will be done.

Ready For You

Lord, You take my heart away with Your love
and I am willing to put on my faith in Your plan.

Come and take my life.
Make my soul refreshed in truth now.

I am ready for You.
Take my heart and make me new now.
I am ready for You
to come and fill my soul.

Cleanse all of my mind that is not of You.
Break me, teaching me how to find rest in Your hands.

Come and take my life.
Make my soul refreshed in truth now.

I am ready for You.
Take my heart and make me new now.
I am ready for You
to come and fill my soul.
To come and fill my soul.

Whatever it takes,
I'm needing to make Your will be done
and I'm letting go of my control,
for I see what You've done in me.

I am ready for You.
Take my heart and make me new now.
I am ready for You
to come and fill my soul.


Walking towards the church Monday morning I saw Dianne heading towards me and I said, “Hi Dianne.” She cupped her hands over her eyes and squinted and asked, “Who is it?” I said, “It’s Mari.” She grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to see the sun, it was bright and blinding. She said, “That was all I could see.” I replied, “That is what you should see when you look at me” and finished with Isaiah 60:1 “Arise shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord shines upon you.” As I walked into the church I began to cry because that was such a sweet gift from the Lord to start off my week with Him.

We assembled in the church at 8:30 and began with worship and were then notified that the heat was broken, it was a record cold snap for Georgia. Oh, that devil he’ll try anything to distract God’s children. Not happening! I wrapped up in everything I had and borrowed whatever I could get from my brother who works at the church.

As we finished for the day several of us started talking and before I knew it there were several of us going to a local pizza place for dinner. There was John, Roxanna and Michael (their son) now known as the Canadians, Marie and Kate (mother and daughter) now known as the Minnesotans, Kim (who lives close to me) now known as the Georgian (until we can come up with a better name) and me. We laughed and shared at dinner before heading back to church for a teaching on the Father’s Love and our first ministry session. It was a perfect day in the Lord.

I headed back to where I was staying full and grateful and expectant. I did my homework for the night and had a wonderful night’s sleep.

There is much more about my week that I will share, but this is about the fellowship that Father God provided for me last week. My heart was broken, I was lonely and very afraid when I got there and He surrounded me with generous, loving people that became like family in a very short time.

We said our goodbye’s Friday night after the celebration service and the Minnesotans came back with me and we talked late into the night. We gathered for breakfast before everyone headed off and took a picture (sadly without Kim) and then the Canadians came home with me - to my real house.

We ate cake that Isabella made the night before at her Keeper’s class, had lots of tea, ate Chinese food and just hung out…like family. It was a perfect end to my week. They headed back to church for another week long conference, so the kids and I were able to see them one last time last night for our final meal together (for now).

I am a different person than I was the week before the conference; God met me in some amazing ways. He changed me and He blessed me. He also used some Canadians, some Minnesotans and a Georgian to love on me. It was a wonderful week in the Lord and I am excited about the fruit I will bear from a life-changing experience.


Here is Kutless’ video – it is an amazing song:

I am who I AM says I am

I have shared my testimony here before. When it happened I wasn’t sure what happened then I thought the Lord healed me of life-long depression and He did…well, sort of…

About six months ago the Lord showed me that He did not heal me of depression that night, He healed my broken heart and I received His love for me which broke the power of many strongholds in my life. That was a powerful revelation. Anyway, in the last month He has shown me that I have formed my identity in this testimony, which on the surface may sound good, but IT’S NOT! I AM NOT my testimony!

I AM says that…

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus
I am the apple of His eye
I am the daughter of the Most High God

So, the moral of this story is your identity is in Him and Him alone, not even in what He has done for you (no matter how good it is). If you do not have your identity secure in Him you can be sure that the devil will be knocking on your door to bring doubt, confusion and unbelief. If you are not sure who you are ask Him who created you!

GOD'S LOVE

Have you ever bought something for someone because the Lord prompted you to do so? You didn’t know why they would need that mug, plaque, book, etc., but He did. Have you ever been overwhelmed by His love for someone when giving them something that you knew He wanted you to give them? It’s amazing isn’t it?

Have you prayed that prayer, the one that goes something like, “Lord give me your heart for others, let me see them like you see them.” He has answered me time and time again, supernaturally enabling me to share His love with someone else. I think I missed it a lot of the time not realizing He was answering in a particular way and I guess I assume all of sudden I will feel like He feels and see what He sees, but I don’t. Usually I will be burdened with His great love for someone else and in those moments, it never dawned on me that this is His expression of love for this person and He feels the same way about me. Pretty amazing!

You know the flowers your friend brings to your house, the card with just the right scripture in it or the hot chocolate left on your doorstep on a cold, winter’s day by a friend who knew you had none. That is how He loves us - through one another. If we are not expressing His love to others, to the world, who is?

TSMSS - EVERY SEASON

I have always loved this song by Nicole Nordeman, but it takes on an even greater significance in light of my recent revelations about seasons - here, here and here. This song ministers to the deep recesses of my heart in this “season”.

Read the lyrics (below all at once or follow in the video), they are powerful!

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

The Lord is so gracious to be gently leading me on this journey of discovery to expose the lies and bring me to His truth and closer to Him and His will for my life.



For more Then Sings My Soul Saturday visit Amy at Signs, Miracles and Wonders

FALL COMES FULL CIRCLE

Ironically I wrote this 14 years ago when I first moved to Delaware and saw my first fall and was overwhelmed by the beauty. It was a time of great struggle for me as I was at the height of my battle against depression. Praise God by His love and mercy I was Gloriously healed and no longer have to live in bondage in that area.

After all the revelation I have been having in the area of “seasons” I thought this fitting to share. Keep in mind that I was not following the Lord when I wrote this. Now I know that I do not lose my way because He is the Way, the Truth and the Life and the lifter of my head.

FALL COMES FULL CIRCLE

Leaves fall from the tress around me
Symbols of life

People will admire the magnificent sight
Wonders of nature

Leaves of radiant colors…reds, greens and golds
Brittle and broken

Leaves fall as they must
I have fallen too

Winter is dark and dreary
I have lost my way

Tress before me naked and bare
I am feeling helpless and unprotected

The sun hangs lower
I cannot hold up my head

Spring is here and with it an abundance of new life
The cloudiness I felt is gone

Amazing the sight before me
I pick myself up

Brilliant new flowers…leaves sprouting on the trees
I smile

Sunshine on the trees stimulating its growth
I have grown

The leaves are green…the trees are full
I feel whole again

Leaves fall from the trees around me
Symbols of life

SEASONS CHANGE

Growing up in Miami, Florida I did not see seasons change much. It just went from hot, to hotter, to warm, to chilly. There were no majestic colors of fall or dreariness of winter and maybe that is where my problem started. I seemed to always want to stay in the same season. Normally I am not resistant to change, I love change and sometimes thrive on it, but not when it comes to seasons in a spiritual sense.

Seasons have been on my mind A LOT lately! I read a post by a friend who has been in a difficult season with a son recovering from a car accident for almost a year now. She talked about a “different season”. I ordered a stamp set at stamp club last month and it was a bare tree with many stamps to embellish the tree for the different seasons. I have been reading Eccelesiates 3 and really meditating on it. Have you ever read just a little further and seen this:

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

And there I stay.

This weekend I was talking with my brother about meditating on scripture and I often move on if I have been somewhere a while, but why? I move on because I think I have to or to get to that next “season.” So what if I stay in Eccelesiates 3 for 25 years? If that is where the Lord has me that is where I SHOULD stay until He says to move on.

Anyway I digress…

A couple of weeks ago I took Isabella to camp at our previous church and on Monday when I left her there I was not so sure she was supposed to be there. I did not pray about it, I just signed her up because she had fun last year and she wanted to go. I had an uneasiness, not worry or concern, it just did not feel right. She finished the week out and Friday I went to her show. When I got into the elevator I got stuck and I just had to laugh because it was so symbolic – I WAS STUCK – in the last season. Holding on, sometimes tightly, sometimes tearfully, sometimes not even knowing why, but doing it anyway. As I drove away from the church the Lord asked me a question, “Why do you keep going back to the seasons I have called you out of?” Hmmmmm, it was a loaded question and I was surprised, but not really…it was time to address the issue. My reply to Him was, “I do not know, but I would like you to show me because I have done it my whole life.” I cried because this has caused me problems and I often end up in situations I should not be in because I am in the wrong season. Many times the resources God has made available to me are in the seasons that I do not want to be in. Beth Moore talks about the enemy always taking us back to the places that God has called us out of. I do not want him to be in the driver seat of my life anymore!

You see I always want to be in spring. I hate winter, but it is necessary for my growth and freedom. I am always trying to get back to last spring or next spring and not enjoying the winter. Can you enjoy the winter? The bible says to praise Him in all things, so YES I can. If it were not for this winter I would not have this revelation that will carry me to my next season.

As I mentioned before we have open mic at church and Sunday was the first time I knew I was to share something. The pastor began the service talking about “marvelous light” and someone else got up and gave an exhortation about “marvelous light”. God has been ministering to me through the song “Marvelous Light” for weeks now and I had the CD in the car. I shared the song with one of the pastors during the service and he loved it and asked if I was going to say something, ugh, I don’t know I replied and he said he had to know. Okay, I said very unsure of myself, but I knew this was a critical moment for me…decision time. I got up and shared the story about going back to past seasons and they played Marvelous Light. Three people came up to me after church and shared how my testimony or song ministered to them and that is no kudos to me, but all Glory to God. It showed me, once again, the importance of obedience. He had something to share with others using my mouth and my experience and if I had disobeyed (yes, He could have and probably would have used somebody else) I would not have had the Blessing of obeying Him.

On Monday a friend from church wrote this on her blog, it ministered deep into my Spirit and gave me much to pray about:

This week I listened to Mary Pat's CD, Biblical Insights to Food and Related Issues. In it she says, Pastor Henry teaches that we are neither black nor white, but pilgrims in progress moving from black to white. So we are all in vary shades of gray. Then she nailed me with the following, "We hate the gray. We hate where we are. We say, 'I don’t like where I am. I should be thinner or healthier or stronger or different. I don’t like this gray. I want to be more white. So I am going to try to get more white. I am going to try to get more white.' "How many of us have tried to get more white? It is ugly. It is not pure. It’s not white.We are all a shade of gray. And if we hate it, if you hate what you are doing, where you are and who you are, that is a door point for accusation for self-hatred and for drivenness and performance to get you whiter. So the moral of the story is love the gray and trust God. That if your heart is open to Him, He will change you. You don’t have to do a thing. God will change you. When we try to do it ourselves, it gets ugly. So be content in your gray where you are. Love yourself where you are."

So, it boils down to hating myself in the seasons and not the seasons themselves and that is sin because I am disagreeing with who God says I am and with where He says I am to be!

My husband just came and shared this scripture with me, which is HUGE!!!! How timely is our God:

And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. Luke 9:62

Thank you Lord for revealing your truth to me and for your Goodness. Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? Romans 2:4

I will leave you with Marvelous Light – get on your dancing shoes – your Daddy is calling you out of darkness into His marvelous light…