Growing up in Miami, Florida I did not see seasons change much. It just went from hot, to hotter, to warm, to chilly. There were no majestic colors of fall or dreariness of winter and maybe that is where my problem started. I seemed to always want to stay in the same season. Normally I am not resistant to change, I love change and sometimes thrive on it, but not when it comes to seasons in a spiritual sense.
Seasons have been on my mind A LOT lately! I read a post by a friend who has been in a difficult season with a son recovering from a car accident for almost a year now. She talked about a “different season”. I ordered a stamp set at stamp club last month and it was a bare tree with many stamps to embellish the tree for the different seasons. I have been reading Eccelesiates 3 and really meditating on it. Have you ever read just a little further and seen this:
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
And there I stay.
This weekend I was talking with my brother about meditating on scripture and I often move on if I have been somewhere a while, but why? I move on because I think I have to or to get to that next “season.” So what if I stay in Eccelesiates 3 for 25 years? If that is where the Lord has me that is where I SHOULD stay until He says to move on.
Anyway I digress…
A couple of weeks ago I took Isabella to camp at our previous church and on Monday when I left her there I was not so sure she was supposed to be there. I did not pray about it, I just signed her up because she had fun last year and she wanted to go. I had an uneasiness, not worry or concern, it just did not feel right. She finished the week out and Friday I went to her show. When I got into the elevator I got stuck and I just had to laugh because it was so symbolic – I WAS STUCK – in the last season. Holding on, sometimes tightly, sometimes tearfully, sometimes not even knowing why, but doing it anyway. As I drove away from the church the Lord asked me a question, “Why do you keep going back to the seasons I have called you out of?” Hmmmmm, it was a loaded question and I was surprised, but not really…it was time to address the issue. My reply to Him was, “I do not know, but I would like you to show me because I have done it my whole life.” I cried because this has caused me problems and I often end up in situations I should not be in because I am in the wrong season. Many times the resources God has made available to me are in the seasons that I do not want to be in. Beth Moore talks about the enemy always taking us back to the places that God has called us out of. I do not want him to be in the driver seat of my life anymore!
You see I always want to be in spring. I hate winter, but it is necessary for my growth and freedom. I am always trying to get back to last spring or next spring and not enjoying the winter. Can you enjoy the winter? The bible says to praise Him in all things, so YES I can. If it were not for this winter I would not have this revelation that will carry me to my next season.
As I mentioned before we have open mic at church and Sunday was the first time I knew I was to share something. The pastor began the service talking about “marvelous light” and someone else got up and gave an exhortation about “marvelous light”. God has been ministering to me through the song “Marvelous Light” for weeks now and I had the CD in the car. I shared the song with one of the pastors during the service and he loved it and asked if I was going to say something, ugh, I don’t know I replied and he said he had to know. Okay, I said very unsure of myself, but I knew this was a critical moment for me…decision time. I got up and shared the story about going back to past seasons and they played Marvelous Light. Three people came up to me after church and shared how my testimony or song ministered to them and that is no kudos to me, but all Glory to God. It showed me, once again, the importance of obedience. He had something to share with others using my mouth and my experience and if I had disobeyed (yes, He could have and probably would have used somebody else) I would not have had the Blessing of obeying Him.
On Monday a friend from church wrote this on her blog, it ministered deep into my Spirit and gave me much to pray about:
This week I listened to Mary Pat's CD, Biblical Insights to Food and Related Issues. In it she says, Pastor Henry teaches that we are neither black nor white, but pilgrims in progress moving from black to white. So we are all in vary shades of gray. Then she nailed me with the following, "We hate the gray. We hate where we are. We say, 'I don’t like where I am. I should be thinner or healthier or stronger or different. I don’t like this gray. I want to be more white. So I am going to try to get more white. I am going to try to get more white.' "How many of us have tried to get more white? It is ugly. It is not pure. It’s not white.We are all a shade of gray. And if we hate it, if you hate what you are doing, where you are and who you are, that is a door point for accusation for self-hatred and for drivenness and performance to get you whiter. So the moral of the story is love the gray and trust God. That if your heart is open to Him, He will change you. You don’t have to do a thing. God will change you. When we try to do it ourselves, it gets ugly. So be content in your gray where you are. Love yourself where you are."
So, it boils down to hating myself in the seasons and not the seasons themselves and that is sin because I am disagreeing with who God says I am and with where He says I am to be!
My husband just came and shared this scripture with me, which is HUGE!!!! How timely is our God:
And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. Luke 9:62
Thank you Lord for revealing your truth to me and for your Goodness. Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? Romans 2:4
I will leave you with Marvelous Light – get on your dancing shoes – your Daddy is calling you out of darkness into His marvelous light…