Yesterday was a hard day - a hard day, but a good one. It was good because I got to spend some quiet time with the Lord, listen to some worship music and prepare for my week. It was hard because my spirit was heavy as I laid down to sleep last night. I saw something on television yesterday that sparked a whole spiritual evaluation in my head. I saw a woman talking about being held at gunpoint and she talked about praying and crying out to God. The Lord revealed to me that I do not do that...run to Him in desperate or difficult situations...when I really need help.
Growing up I learned early on that I did not have people in my life I could rely on in times of trouble. The adults in my life let me down. I went to them for help repeatedly and repeatedly they let me down. That began a lifelong sense of self-sufficiency and self-dependence. It probably served me well many times in my life, but it no longer serves me as a daughter of the Most High God who longs to be His little girl that TRUSTS Him for everything. I want to run to Him for EVERYTHING. I am not there yet because we still have this trust issue, but now I have a great understanding of what is at the root of it.
Lately I feel so distant from Him and I know He has not gone anywhere, so what is the problem? The problem is I run when things are rough or when I am really struggling with stuff because I have to take care of it myself (or so I have trained myself). I become bogged down with trying to sort things out, find a solution and make everything better. That is not what He intended. I need to run to Him now and pour my heart out to Him and TRUST that He hears me and will help me.
All night this song played over in over in my head or in my sleep – I do not know how to describe it. When I woke up it was still playing, as if the angels themselves were singing to me. Has that ever happened to you? I love it when that happens. I feel ministered to when I wake up. So, remember “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5
I had to link this video and post the lyrics, it is that AWESOME:
Holy Holy God Almighty
Who was and is to come
God of glory You're so worthy
All the saints bow down
Holy is Your name in all the earth
Righteous are Your ways so merciful
Everything You've done is just and true
Holy Holy God are You
Holy Holy God are You
All blessing all honor belongs to You
All power all wisdom is Yours
P.S. It sounded just like this all night in my bed or in my head...!