Monday, July 21, 2008


Yesterday was a hard day - a hard day, but a good one. It was good because I got to spend some quiet time with the Lord, listen to some worship music and prepare for my week. It was hard because my spirit was heavy as I laid down to sleep last night. I saw something on television yesterday that sparked a whole spiritual evaluation in my head. I saw a woman talking about being held at gunpoint and she talked about praying and crying out to God. The Lord revealed to me that I do not do to Him in desperate or difficult situations...when I really need help.

Growing up I learned early on that I did not have people in my life I could rely on in times of trouble. The adults in my life let me down. I went to them for help repeatedly and repeatedly they let me down. That began a lifelong sense of self-sufficiency and self-dependence. It probably served me well many times in my life, but it no longer serves me as a daughter of the Most High God who longs to be His little girl that TRUSTS Him for everything. I want to run to Him for EVERYTHING. I am not there yet because we still have this trust issue, but now I have a great understanding of what is at the root of it.

Lately I feel so distant from Him and I know He has not gone anywhere, so what is the problem? The problem is I run when things are rough or when I am really struggling with stuff because I have to take care of it myself (or so I have trained myself). I become bogged down with trying to sort things out, find a solution and make everything better. That is not what He intended. I need to run to Him now and pour my heart out to Him and TRUST that He hears me and will help me.
All night this song played over in over in my head or in my sleep – I do not know how to describe it. When I woke up it was still playing, as if the angels themselves were singing to me. Has that ever happened to you? I love it when that happens. I feel ministered to when I wake up. So, remember “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

I had to link this video and post the lyrics, it is that AWESOME:

Holy Holy God Almighty
Who was and is to come
God of glory You're so worthy
All the saints bow down

Holy is Your name in all the earth
Righteous are Your ways so merciful
Everything You've done is just and true
Holy Holy God are You
Holy Holy God are You

All blessing all honor belongs to You
All power all wisdom is Yours

P.S. It sounded just like this all night in my bed or in my head...!


jamie in rose cottage said...

I struggle with that too-- being to independent. Like you said, works great as being a responsible adult, BUT it doesn't work well when it hinders us from letting God lead us.

Wendi said...

Oh the self reliance thing - what a challenge! I really appreciated this post! Your honesty is refreshing. Isn't it amazing how God so gently and patiently asks us to come to Him with all of our burdens? I feel so undeserving. Thank you for this!

MoziEsmé said...

Music is so powerful - I love it when God uses that as His tool.

mel said...

your blog is a blessed place to visit -- many thanks!

Mari said...

What a beautiful thing to sleep and wake up to. Very uplifting.

Morning By Morning said...

GREAT post!!!!
I can COMPLETELY relate, the adults in my life let me down as well. It is so nice to know that HE is ALWAYS there!!!I LOVE Psalm 30:5!!!!!

Tiffany Stuart said...

Totally relate to being self sufficient. I'm working my way to complete surrender and trust.

I love, love it when I wake up to songs. Or hear them in my sleep. God is good. He gives us the songs as his way of ministering to us in times of need.

Thank you for your comment on my devo at Laced with Grace recently. Appreciate knowing you relate.

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