It has been exactly one year since my last post. Today seemed like the perfect day for an update.
A LOT can happen in a year! (more on that in another post)
Just over a year ago I had a revelation about FREEDOM that changed my life.
From my journal:
April 17, 2012
My thinking up until recently had been that I would have the victory or freedom when "all was said and done" or when I could say, "this is what God did, Praise the Lord!", but today as I walked around the neighborhood feeling much like a daughter feeling full and confident, it dawned on me - THIS is the victory, the FREEDOM - NOT caring what the outcome is but, basking, growing and celebrating the journey. The victory is I AM a daughter with a Daddy that loves her and no verdict or outcome can change that. I have the freedom to face ALL that lies before me without fear.
So, even with no idea what the outcome is in any given situation, but SURE that the journey is making me more of the woman He created me to be.
Liberty in Strong's Concordance is 1657 freedom from 1658 which is unrestrained, not a slave, exempt from obligation or liability.
For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: Romans 8:15-16
Liability is something that works to one's disadvantage. FEAR was my liability. Only in coming out of bondage to FEAR and receiving the Spirit of adoption could I cry "Abba, Father" and BE a daughter. I love being a daughter!
FREEDOM from Webster's dictionary is the state or quality of being free exemption or liberation from the control of some other person or some arbitrary power. I do not want to be controlled by some arbitrary power (For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12)
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1
Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Galations 5:5
But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the word, this man shall be blessed in his deed. James 1:25
I'M BACK!
As I sat down to type this a friend from church called to ask me for a favor. During our conversation the Lord reminded her of something I said months ago and she wanted to speak TRUTH to me. She basically told me exactly what is typed above. What great confirmation from my Abba (Daddy).
In the last few months I’ve had many people encouraging me and exhorting me and a lot of it has come in the form of compliments. I remember the first time my friend said, “You are a great mom.” I could hear her, but I could also hear, “That’s because she doesn’t really know you. That’s because she didn’t see you yesterday…” Who do you think said that? My enemy, the thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I can be real with this friend, REALLY REAL, so I told her what was happening and that when she was going to compliment me she was going to have to speak to those things first and tell them to step aside because she had something to say to me. It continued to happen when her or others spoke words of praise to me.
As I mentioned in the last post God is teaching me about my identity and through that I am learning to love myself. Did you know the bible repeatedly says to love yourself? (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8)
A couple of weeks ago during lunch with friends one of them said, “You are funny.” And I said, “I know.” Then I stopped midsentence and said, “Did you hear that? I’m learning to love myself.” It was definitely an A-HA moment! I think I could hear the angels singing.
It has been a process of me learning who I really am and agreeing with what God says about me and what others who love Him and me have to say about me. It has been really important to pay attention to the things I hear when others are encouraging me and exhorting me because that is where the breakdown starts. When I listen to the voice of my enemy and begin to give ear to his words instead of my Father’s I begin to accuse my Daddy of being a liar. Sounds harsh, but it is true.
Three months ago after clear confirmation from the Lord I moved my children and myself to a new town. My husband had left home almost two months prior and we needed a smaller home with more support nearby. We are in a wonderful place of peace, support and love, but I’m still struggling. How is that possible you ask? Yea, I ask too? With little signs of change in me I wondered, “What am I doing here?” All this love around me and I feel unchanged! Well, that was until we made lemon bars.
It was a Saturday afternoon and my oldest daughter and I were making lemon bars from a boxed mix and seemingly out of the blue she said, “You are getting so excited about things mommy. As God is helping us and people are supporting us you are getting more and more excited.” I stopped for a moment and pondered her words. She was RIGHT! I am getting excited about things, again. It’s been a long time. After thinking about it for awhile, I said to her, “As I stop agreeing with the enemy about who I am mommy is becoming the woman God created me to be from the beginning of time.” That’s EXCITING!
Even in this the enemy had the blinders on me, so I could not see that indeed I was changing (being set free). He would love for me to think that I’m going to remain the same, regardless and eventually would love for me to give up and accuse God. But God, out of the mouths of babes…stilled the enemy and avenger (once again). (Psalm 8:2)
As I am seeking God with my whole heart, He is leading me into ALL TRUTH!
The next day at church the whole service was a time of sharing what God is doing in your heart and my daughter and I were able to share this. She even spoke in the microphone through tears and told everyone what she had told me and I talked about what God showed me through that. It was a precious experience! I also shared that I don't even know who that woman is yet, I'm just at the beginning of this revelation, but am excited to learn more and more!
Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.
A little over a month ago after much prayer, the Lord opened a door for me and the kids to move to a small town a couple of hours away. As we sat at the table one day talking about moving, my oldest said, "We are going to paradise." "I like that," I said.
The property has a rental cottage on it and there is a family of seven there this week, so we were all outside on the deck having dinner last night and the mom said, "This is paradise." "Yes! It is!" I replied. The fenced in yard is spacious and has beautiful gardens full of many varieties of roses, irises and much that has yet to bloom.
Today I looked up paradise in the Strong's Concordance and it said:
a place of future happiness
a place of blessedness
and today I would say BOTH are accurate.
Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. John 16:13
The year was 1985 and I looked the part, fluorescent clothes (even make-up), uniquely 80s layered hair, ultra-teased with tons of Aquanet hairspray, thick belts, matching socks, earrings in every color and O-rings (remember Madonna wore them?). I probably would have never attempted some of what I did had I not been in the best company I had ever been in my whole life.
8th grade prom 1985 - me in the blue dress
The previous year I had come out of a school that was, by today’s standards, abusive to put it mildly and getting no better as I got older. After begging my mom to send me to another school and seeing she was not going to budge, I played the only card I had not played – I want to go live with my father! It was March I think and I was on a plane to Atlanta and I was going to be enrolled in public school for the first time in my life. Because I was the “new” kid from Miami, I was of interest to many. I made lots of friends, fast, I had only a handful in the school I left behind, despite my best efforts to “fit in”. After completing 7th grade I was on my way to high school, that is how it worked in the school district my dad lived in. My mother wanted me to come home and I said I would not go back to “that school”, so she agreed to let me attend another private school started by my first grade teacher.
Just for some background, I was terrified of school, I cried everyday, even some in college. In first grade I had Mrs. Santos, so it was better and my best friend Tina was in my class too. We were teacher’s pets, so we had no other friends, but that was okay because we had each other. Anyway, Mrs. Santos was the most loving woman I had ever met and I enjoyed being around and her and felt somewhat normal and safe in her presence.
Fast forward, it’s now 1984 and I am on my way to Mrs. Santos' school. She is the founder, principal and the 8th grade teacher. Now in my mind it just didn’t get any better than this, except that our 8th grade class was 20 strong and we were ALL friends. It was the best year of schooling for me and probably the happiest I ever was. Again, I felt loved and safe everyday! The school only went to 8th grade that meant graduation was inevitable. I was valedictorian for our class and had my speech prepared, but I cried the whole time, so Mrs. Santos read it. Everyone cried, and I mean cried a lot! We were like family and we were all going to different schools, I was actually moving about a half hour away. It was not a happy day!
Since 1985 I have kept in touch with Mrs. Santos yearly. Christmas cards, letters, visits and birth announcements. Our relationship has changed over the years as it should now that I am an adult. I have had two opportunities to see her this year. In February I took my kids to the school and showed them around and they got to meet her and her husband. It was a wonderful time. Then she said, that they would be having a tribute to my class this year at graduation and prom because it was the 25th anniversary of our graduation and we were the first graduating class. I was so excited. I began to feel the Lord’s gentle nudging that this was Him working.
Mrs. Santos invited me to give my speech from '85 at graduation and I was excited to have the opportunity, but even more excited when she gave me her blessing to say “whatever you want”. The Lord’s hand was moving. In prayer He lead me to verses of encouragement for the graduates. I asked her if she wanted me to tell her what I was going to say and she said she did not need to see it ahead of time.
I had the awesome opportunity to meet her, her family and the 8th grade graduates for a weekend of fun at Busch Gardens and Adventure Island just before graduation.
I was able to get in touch with a few friends from my graduating class and they were going to be at graduation too. It was thrilling! I had Isabella and Annais with me, which made it extra special.
On the drive down, I listened to Francis Chan’s Crazy Love and it solidified a lot of what I heard the Lord speaking to my heart. My kids and I had prayer time the day before and asked the Lord to prepare hearts for what He had to say.
Tuesday morning before graduation as I got ready the Lord spoke to me and said, “You were valedictorian 25 years ago because I have something to say to these people TODAY.” Wow, knock me over! This made it all the more exciting because my purpose was sure.
When Mrs. Santos introduced me she said that she was not giving a speech that day, that I was giving the principal’s address. Did you catch that? A high-school dropout with some college, the principal’s address? This is how God works. He instantly put me in position of authority and although most people there didn’t know me, I now had their attention. They would HEAR His word. She also said that I was here to give them a message of HOPE. Remember she did not know what I was going to say. So, for the first time I gave my speech, at least parts of it. I also shared the verses the Lord gave me and I told them that He loved them. That He died for them, individually and He has a purpose and a plan, a good one, for each of them. I told them 25 years ago I needed a family and the Lord sets the lonely in families and the Lord had brought me to that school. I told them how He rescued me out of deep waters because He delighted in me and how He delights in them. I told them their lives were before them and mine was still before me - in Him. I also shared with them what the Lord had spoken to my heart that morning, that HE had a message for them. I only spoke 8-10 minutes, but as I took my seat I was humbled by the opportunity the Lord gave me to share with people that I love. Best of all my oldest two were a part of all this and watched God work.
I went out to lunch with my two best friends from 8th grade and they both told me they were proud of me, even one of their husbands told me. I just smiled because I knew it was the Lord. They had nothing to be proud of me for. They don’t know what kind of house I live in, car I drive or much else about me for that matter, but they said they were proud. That just doesn’t “happen”. The world only tells us they are proud of us when we produce evidence that we are worthy of their praise. The only thing I shared with them was His love and now that - that is something to be PROUD of!
Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's - Psalm 103:4-5
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us Eph 3:20
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
As I sat in my first of two different services on Mother’s Day I never expected to be called to action. As I’ve mentioned before one of the songs that morning was called Potter’s Wheel by Daniel Bashta and the words are:
Make me Shape me Into everything that You want me to be
Make me Shape me Into everything that You want me to be and more
So place me on the potter’s wheel Spin me until There’s nothing left but You in my life Cause brokenness is what I want So do a work Yeah in my heart So when You look at me You see Your reflection
I sang those words with a deep desire for God to do the things in my heart that the song talks about. Worship is the biggest part of my relationship with God. It has become an act of prayer for me, it is where I connect with Him in deep and intimate ways and cry out to Him from the depths of my heart and spirit. It is where I truly see Him in all His glory, majesty and splendor. It doesn’t matter that I can’t carry a tune, I sing anyway! I just did not expect His first answer to come just after communion.
In a post a while back I talked about seasons and how I have tendency to go back to old seasons, which by the way is disobedience. I do it because I’m afraid, which by the way is a lack of trust. See how this is all fitting together? Trust and obey, there is no other way. Amazing how He does that. Anyway, in the post about seasons I talked about being wounded as a result of my disobedience. Well, shortly after that post the Lord told me to go to that person and repent and ask for forgiveness. I talked to him and told him I needed to come see him, but have not done it yet. I have a good relationship with him, so I am completely comfortable with doing this, but on Mother’s Day the Lord called me to repent not to that person (he wasn’t there), but to the senior pastor (who I do not have a relationship with) much more difficult. Because the Lord totally blew me away with the card I sent to Nita I was quick to obey, no hesitation or stalling this time. After the service I told my husband I would be right back and I headed straight for the pastor. I was already crying when I got there. His sermon that day was on trusting God and I realized that for a long time I had trusted the church, pastors, people, etc. more than I trusted God. I harbored anger, bitterness and unforgiveness towards them for things they were never supposed to do in the first place. So, I told him all this and repented to him and asked his forgiveness. He said he was sorry and I said I was sorry too and that was the end of that, but I knew something shifted in me spiritually at that moment.
I still plan on speaking to the other pastors, but I was obedient to what God told me to do that day. It released me and I felt lighter leaving. We are now back at the church, we’ve come full circle and I believe that was key in God releasing us to be back there. It is like coming home. I never wanted to leave in the first place and was SLOW to leave and, you guessed it, OBEY. I’ll share more about that next time because I don’t want this post to be too long and lose anyone. I will also share highlights of his sermon on trusting God, you don’t want to miss it.
God is faithful and trustworthy and ALWAYS has our best interest at heart.
Romans 2:4 Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?
Isn't it amazing how God speaks to us in the just the right way, at just the right time? I'm left speechless after reading My Lesson from Job tonight because it spoke so tenderly to my heart:
It begins...
Today I randomly decided to read some things I highlighted in the book of Job. I found myself reading from chapter 32 all the way to the end of the book! Things really started making sense to me like they hadn't before. It really fit in with some of the things I've been learning lately about trusting God and His Holiness....
For Mother's Day my request was simple I wanted to attend two worship services. This song was played during the first worship service. They played a video similar to the one in this post (maybe even the same one). Isn't it amazing when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you ARE where you ARE supposed to be?
God is shaping me, molding me into who He wants me to be and although it's painful at times I am willing (sometimes kicking and screaming) to withstand the discomfort to rid myself of the things that remain that are not of Him. I want to see, I want others to see, I want Him to see His reflection.
Worship was very powerful for me that morning and the message even more so, you can listen to it here. It is listed as the Mother's Day sermon, but it was on TRUST. A couple of years ago I realized that I did not trust God and we worked through that or so I thought, now there seems to be a whole new layer to it. I haven't trusted Him in a long time, I have accused Him and I have doubted His intentions. I have no reason not to trust Him other than I attach disappointments I've experienced to Him. Disappointments with my dad, my husband, church, etc. I wrap it all up together, but it doesn't fit in a neat little package because God cannot fit in a box with humanity.
Let me just state for the record that God has NEVER let me down! He has always done exceedingly abundantly more than I could ask, think or imagine, ALWAYS! He is faithful because that is who He is, He cannot deny Himself or His Word. I on the other hand fall short. I start looking around at people, places and things for comfort and reprieve and when it doesn't come I doubt that God loves me, that He cares about me or that He will do anything about the situation. I was so convicted during worship about my attitudes towards God, it was humbling and sad at the same time.
I have let fear override my faith and get me into a dangerous place with the Lord. Sunday it was as if a light bulb went on. You always hear people talk about peeling back the layers of an onion and I was reminded of this on Sunday. This is another layer of my walk with Him, He is taking me deeper, but He must remove another layer...He must! So, I surrender and I sing:
Make me Shape me Into everything that You want me to be
Make me Shape me Into everything that You want me to be and more
So place me on the potter’s wheel Spin me until There’s nothing left but You in my life Cause brokenness is what I want So do a work Yeah in my heart So when You look at me You see Your reflection
A week ago I was blessed to attend a week long conference at my church. I have been to this conference before, but not alone and not without all my kids close by, so to be there by myself was a miracle and a blessing. My husband and I discussed this last year and agreed that this year I would go solo. He took a week’s vacation and I was off to spend time with the Lord, much needed time I might add.
This year has been one of the hardest years I have had since becoming a Christian a little over ten years ago. One thing that changed significantly was the time I spent with the Lord; this was due to some time constraints and largely due to confusing what the enemy was doing in my life for God. Be careful, the enemy comes as an angel of light and it will sound so good and so spiritual, but in reality he is planning your death! What I thought was the Lord speaking to me was the enemy and he knew he was orchestrating circumstances, so that when I needed the Lord the most my intimacy with Him would be at an all time low.
After recognizing this I repented and cried out to the Lord and told Him how much I missed Him and how much I wanted our intimacy back. He answered that prayer a hundred fold. I know He never left, but in confusion I did.
Anyway, back to the conference. I drove the two hours to our church, checked in and expectantly waited to meet my Daddy. I stayed with a lady from the church which was just the perfect place for me; she was kind and prayed for me Sunday just after orientation. During orientation I met a girl who lives about an hour from me and we sat next to each other and there we stayed all week.
Monday I woke up excited, I could hardly wait to see what the Lord had in store for me. I got ready and walked out of the house with my tea travel mug…it was going to be a GREAT day! When I got in the car it said 7:15 a.m., what? I did not have to leave until 8:15 a.m. I headed back in the house and put in a CD. It was Kutless’ Strong Tower. As I listened to Ready for You my spirit soared and I surrendered myself to Him to make His will be done.
Ready For You
Lord, You take my heart away with Your love and I am willing to put on my faith in Your plan.
Come and take my life. Make my soul refreshed in truth now.
I am ready for You. Take my heart and make me new now. I am ready for You to come and fill my soul.
Cleanse all of my mind that is not of You. Break me, teaching me how to find rest in Your hands.
Come and take my life. Make my soul refreshed in truth now.
I am ready for You. Take my heart and make me new now. I am ready for You to come and fill my soul. To come and fill my soul.
Whatever it takes, I'm needing to make Your will be done and I'm letting go of my control, for I see what You've done in me.
I am ready for You. Take my heart and make me new now. I am ready for You to come and fill my soul.
Walking towards the church Monday morning I saw Dianne heading towards me and I said, “Hi Dianne.” She cupped her hands over her eyes and squinted and asked, “Who is it?” I said, “It’s Mari.” She grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to see the sun, it was bright and blinding. She said, “That was all I could see.” I replied, “That is what you should see when you look at me” and finished with Isaiah 60:1 “Arise shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord shines upon you.” As I walked into the church I began to cry because that was such a sweet gift from the Lord to start off my week with Him.
We assembled in the church at 8:30 and began with worship and were then notified that the heat was broken, it was a record cold snap for Georgia. Oh, that devil he’ll try anything to distract God’s children. Not happening! I wrapped up in everything I had and borrowed whatever I could get from my brother who works at the church.
As we finished for the day several of us started talking and before I knew it there were several of us going to a local pizza place for dinner. There was John, Roxanna and Michael (their son) now known as the Canadians, Marie and Kate (mother and daughter) now known as the Minnesotans, Kim (who lives close to me) now known as the Georgian (until we can come up with a better name) and me. We laughed and shared at dinner before heading back to church for a teaching on the Father’s Love and our first ministry session. It was a perfect day in the Lord.
I headed back to where I was staying full and grateful and expectant. I did my homework for the night and had a wonderful night’s sleep.
There is much more about my week that I will share, but this is about the fellowship that Father God provided for me last week. My heart was broken, I was lonely and very afraid when I got there and He surrounded me with generous, loving people that became like family in a very short time.
We said our goodbye’s Friday night after the celebration service and the Minnesotans came back with me and we talked late into the night. We gathered for breakfast before everyone headed off and took a picture (sadly without Kim) and then the Canadians came home with me - to my real house.
We ate cake that Isabella made the night before at her Keeper’s class, had lots of tea, ate Chinese food and just hung out…like family. It was a perfect end to my week. They headed back to church for another week long conference, so the kids and I were able to see them one last time last night for our final meal together (for now).
I am a different person than I was the week before the conference; God met me in some amazing ways. He changed me and He blessed me. He also used some Canadians, some Minnesotans and a Georgian to love on me. It was a wonderful week in the Lord and I am excited about the fruit I will bear from a life-changing experience.
I have shared my testimony here before. When it happened I wasn’t sure what happened then I thought the Lord healed me of life-long depression and He did…well, sort of…
About six months ago the Lord showed me that He did not heal me of depression that night, He healed my broken heart and I received His love for me which broke the power of many strongholds in my life. That was a powerful revelation. Anyway, in the last month He has shown me that I have formed my identity in this testimony, which on the surface may sound good, but IT’S NOT! I AM NOT my testimony!
I AM says that…
I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus I am the apple of His eye I am the daughter of the Most High God
So, the moral of this story is your identity is in Him and Him alone, not even in what He has done for you (no matter how good it is). If you do not have your identity secure in Him you can be sure that the devil will be knocking on your door to bring doubt, confusion and unbelief. If you are not sure who you are ask Him who created you!
Tonight we were about to make an impromptu run to the Dollar Store to snag a blow up pool for a $1. When I tried to start the van it would not start, so my husband charged the battery while Isabella and I waited in the car. She was obviously afraid, so I began asking her questions. She was afraid to be in the car while he was charging it because she was afraid it would roll down the hill, so I explained to her that the "park" feature still worked. Then she began crying as we backed down the driveway because if we got stuck at the store "Daddy would leave the little ones alone while he came to get us" and I assured her that would not happen. Daddy would not leave the little ones at home, he would bring them with him or someone there would help start our van. I said we need to trust God Isabella...I knew this was a "teachable" moment. It was important she go with me and face her fear and trust her Father.
Isn't it interesting how irrational her fears were, but aren't all fears irrational? Fear is not based on Truth.
Ever seen the acrostic FEAR? FalseEvidenceAppearingReal
As we left the parking lot I explained to her that we can always trust God. I told her I was glad she trusted me and the words that escaped her lips left me speechless, "Me too, if not my life would be a disaster." Wow! That was a loaded statement.
Remember my struggle with retreating to old seasons? Well, here is my revelation. Plain and simple it is FEAR. A spirit of fear that the bible tells me DID NOT come from my Father. I am struggling with trusting Him right now and my life some days is a "disaster" - I am going to remember what Isabella said. So much wisdom for such a little girl. A girl who knows her Father and trusts Him and believes He is a good Daddy. On days like today I learn much more from my kids than they learn from me.
Trusting our parents is important, but trusting God it is VITAL!
I have always loved this song by Nicole Nordeman, but it takes on an even greater significance in light of my recent revelations about seasons - here, here and here. This song ministers to the deep recesses of my heart in this “season”.
Read the lyrics (below all at once or follow in the video), they are powerful!
Every evening sky, an invitation To trace the patterned stars And early in July, a celebration For freedom that is ours And I notice You In children’s games In those who watch them from the shade Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder You are summer
And even when the trees have just surrendered To the harvest time Forfeiting their leaves in late September And sending us inside Still I notice You when change begins And I am braced for colder winds I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come You are autumn
And everything in time and under heaven Finally falls asleep Wrapped in blankets white, all creation Shivers underneath And still I notice you When branches crack And in my breath on frosted glass Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter You are winter
And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced Teaching us to breathe What was frozen through is newly purposed Turning all things green So it is with You And how You make me new With every season’s change And so it will be As You are re-creating me Summer, autumn, winter, spring
The Lord is so gracious to be gently leading me on this journey of discovery to expose the lies and bring me to His truth and closer to Him and His will for my life.
There are costs associated with being in the wrong season - for example - last year during an extremely difficult time I went back to a season God called me out of and the results were devastating. I was deeply wounded as a result of MY disobedience. I went to someone in authority over me (in the previous season) and asked for help, when the help did not come I was hurt, confused and angry. I had to repent and ask for forgiveness a lot over that situation. Do you see the problem? I got angry at someone for NOT doing what I thought they should do when I was the one who was sinning against God. Wow, that is a startling revelation!
If I simply would have trusted God in the new season and used the resources He had already provided I could have avoided all that. Not being sensitive to the season that God has us in opens us up for sin.
God is revealing to me the root of my disobedience and I am excited to share all He is teaching me in that area…soon.
It is possible to be at the right place at the wrong time and I am learning the benefits of obeying God and being sensitive to His timing for my life. It comes down to Faith!
Growing up in Miami, Florida I did not see seasons change much. It just went from hot, to hotter, to warm, to chilly. There were no majestic colors of fall or dreariness of winter and maybe that is where my problem started. I seemed to always want to stay in the same season. Normally I am not resistant to change, I love change and sometimes thrive on it, but not when it comes to seasons in a spiritual sense.
Seasons have been on my mind A LOT lately! I read a post by a friend who has been in a difficult season with a son recovering from a car accident for almost a year now. She talked about a “different season”. I ordered a stamp set at stamp club last month and it was a bare tree with many stamps to embellish the tree for the different seasons. I have been reading Eccelesiates 3 and really meditating on it. Have you ever read just a little further and seen this:
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.
And there I stay.
This weekend I was talking with my brother about meditating on scripture and I often move on if I have been somewhere a while, but why? I move on because I think I have to or to get to that next “season.” So what if I stay in Eccelesiates 3 for 25 years? If that is where the Lord has me that is where I SHOULD stay until He says to move on.
Anyway I digress…
A couple of weeks ago I took Isabella to camp at our previous church and on Monday when I left her there I was not so sure she was supposed to be there. I did not pray about it, I just signed her up because she had fun last year and she wanted to go. I had an uneasiness, not worry or concern, it just did not feel right. She finished the week out and Friday I went to her show. When I got into the elevator I got stuck and I just had to laugh because it was so symbolic – I WAS STUCK – in the last season. Holding on, sometimes tightly, sometimes tearfully, sometimes not even knowing why, but doing it anyway. As I drove away from the church the Lord asked me a question, “Why do you keep going back to the seasons I have called you out of?” Hmmmmm, it was a loaded question and I was surprised, but not really…it was time to address the issue. My reply to Him was, “I do not know, but I would like you to show me because I have done it my whole life.” I cried because this has caused me problems and I often end up in situations I should not be in because I am in the wrong season. Many times the resources God has made available to me are in the seasons that I do not want to be in. Beth Moore talks about the enemy always taking us back to the places that God has called us out of. I do not want him to be in the driver seat of my life anymore!
You see I always want to be in spring. I hate winter, but it is necessary for my growth and freedom. I am always trying to get back to last spring or next spring and not enjoying the winter. Can you enjoy the winter? The bible says to praise Him in all things, so YES I can. If it were not for this winter I would not have this revelation that will carry me to my next season.
As I mentioned before we have open mic at church and Sunday was the first time I knew I was to share something. The pastor began the service talking about “marvelous light” and someone else got up and gave an exhortation about “marvelous light”. God has been ministering to me through the song “Marvelous Light” for weeks now and I had the CD in the car. I shared the song with one of the pastors during the service and he loved it and asked if I was going to say something, ugh, I don’t know I replied and he said he had to know. Okay, I said very unsure of myself, but I knew this was a critical moment for me…decision time. I got up and shared the story about going back to past seasons and they played Marvelous Light. Three people came up to me after church and shared how my testimony or song ministered to them and that is no kudos to me, but all Glory to God. It showed me, once again, the importance of obedience. He had something to share with others using my mouth and my experience and if I had disobeyed (yes, He could have and probably would have used somebody else) I would not have had the Blessing of obeying Him.
On Monday a friend from church wrote this on her blog, it ministered deep into my Spirit and gave me much to pray about:
This week I listened to Mary Pat's CD, Biblical Insights to Food and Related Issues. In it she says, Pastor Henry teaches that we are neither black nor white, but pilgrims in progress moving from black to white. So we are all in vary shades of gray. Then she nailed me with the following, "We hate the gray. We hate where we are. We say, 'I don’t like where I am. I should be thinner or healthier or stronger or different. I don’t like this gray. I want to be more white. So I am going to try to get more white. I am going to try to get more white.' "How many of us have tried to get more white? It is ugly. It is not pure. It’s not white.We are all a shade of gray. And if we hate it, if you hate what you are doing, where you are and who you are, that is a door point for accusation for self-hatred and for drivenness and performance to get you whiter. So the moral of the story is love the gray and trust God. That if your heart is open to Him, He will change you. You don’t have to do a thing. God will change you. When we try to do it ourselves, it gets ugly. So be content in your gray where you are. Love yourself where you are."
So, it boils down to hating myself in the seasons and not the seasons themselves and that is sin because I am disagreeing with who God says I am and with where He says I am to be!
My husband just came and shared this scripture with me, which is HUGE!!!! How timely is our God:
And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. Luke 9:62
Thank you Lord for revealing your truth to me and for your Goodness. Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? Romans 2:4
I will leave you with Marvelous Light – get on your dancing shoes – your Daddy is calling you out of darkness into His marvelous light…
Father’s day this year was awesome! We made the journey to church and had planned to spend the day at the river afterwards. Little did we know service would last four hours. Usually when service is long we head out about 1:00 p.m. or when the kids get fidgety. Well, they didn’t and we didn’t. It was so awesome we just could not leave. Our church services are not traditional by any means and Father’s Day was no different! The service has an open mic format according to Colossians 3:16 - Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. The service quickly develops a “flow” of the Spirit.
There is a section up front called the earnest section where anyone who wants to be saved can go up anytime during the service and the service will stop and they will receive prayer, it is also for anyone that is struggling with something and needs to repent or needs prayer. There were several people in the earnest section on Father’s day. It was a precious time of healing, I think for everyone. For me it was healing to hear a daughter repent to her father, her father forgive her and him pray for her. When the daughter got up and spoke some of her words about herself were derogatory, so her father disallowed her vow (Numbers 30:6-8). Now the enemy has no right to use those words against her and the Lord will forgive her…the beauty of Truth.
There is also a section up front for the open mic where people get up and share just like Colossians 3:16 says. I am so encouraged in my faith when I hear how others have overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of their testimony.
The pastor also had everyone share “popcorn” testimonies. He had someone walk around with a microphone and people gave brief declarations of the Lord’s doings…people had been healed of many sicknesses and diseases, restored marriages, broken hearts healed...it lasted about 15 minutes.
It was a precious day with a lot of wonderful reminders of who our Heavenly Father is and what He has called men to be as daddies. A wonderful reminder of His great love for us and what WAS accomplished on the cross because of LOVE.
We did go to the river after our lunch in town and had a wonderful time. It was almost as much fun as last Father’s Day adventure. The river was low, but that did not stop us from cruising down the river using our bodies with children on our laps causing us to bump every rock in sight…there were a lot of ooooohs and ouches, but it was a blast. We all had a memorable day.
God is a God of restoration; we see that all throughout scripture - sometimes restoring double or even more. He restored positions, lives and vision. I do not believe there is ANYTHING that He cannot restore.
One day while sitting at a red light, I was reading an affirmation I had posted near my speedometer and one of the lines was, “I am as innocent as a newborn baby”. Then I had a vision of the Lord sitting on His throne handing me my innocence, RESTORING it. I knew that “innocence lost” was a thing of my past. Praise and all Glory to God!
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Psalm 23:3
WHATEVER the enemy has stolen from you, the Lord wants to and will RESTORE it. His timing is perfect. Submit to Him, ask Him and agree with HIM.
Take the time to listen to this song and let it settle into your spirit…
THIS IS FROM A PREVIOUS POST
REPLEVIN
re•plev•in 1. an action for the recovery of goods or chattels wrongfully taken or detained.
It is time to take back from the enemy what he has stolen from us. We do not take it back because we lack, but because it is ours.
This video is a great portrayal of taking it ALL back!
What has he stolen from you? Your husband, your health, your children, your joy? Whatever it is, it belongs to you? Go get it!
NOW GET ON YOUR DANCING SHOES AND SAY, “I WANT IT ALL BACK”
Last year when I found this scripture (Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. Psalm 34:14) I was blown away. I could not understand how to "seek peace" much less "pursue it", which led me to this post. Strong's Concordance defines pursue in this context: to run after (usually with hostile intent), chase, follow, hunt. Well, that is not how it happened for me...I learned to REST and PEACE came. Maybe I did run after peace with hostile intent because the Lord said to and as I did I learned to rest and then peace came. Maybe I was so desperate to escape the chaos of my circumstances my intentions in the pursuit of PEACE did become hostile. I do not know and the details are not important...I have it (most of the time as I am still learning and growing in this area). Remember my new favorite verse: The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14
Circumstances during my pregnancy with Judah were anything but peaceful, yet I always felt a sense of peace and could feel that sense of peace in him. During previous pregnancies during times of great stress I could feel the baby tense up, sometimes so much it hurt. Not this time, I had sought peace, pursued it and it was there. It was the peace that surpasses understanding! Now the precious part of this pursuit is I see it in Judah's face at least a hundred times a day...PEACE. Here are a couple of pictures that I feel capture it well, but can PEACE be photographed? I do not know...what do you think?
It was 1999 and Todd and I were at dinner with several people from church. There was a couple there I had never met, but had known Todd since he was a child. They addressed me with the question, “How many children are you planning on having?” This is what I said…
“We will have as many children as we can afford to have.”
The couple was very impressed with my answer and it seemed to go over well with everyone else at the table, including Todd’s parents. So, it convinced me it was a “right and good” answer.
Well, that was ten years and four children ago and I would have to say that was one of my MOST “faithless” comments. At the time I had just become a Christian and had no idea what it meant to fully submit to His Lordship (and am still learning and growing) and it would be several years before I understood it in the area of children. If I had not sought after the Lord in desperate need of His wisdom, love and grace, I may have not experienced the joy, freedom and healing that has come from each pregnancy and birth experience.
To say “we will have as many as we can afford” showed my lack of faith, relationship and trust in God and also my self-reliance. Since that time Todd and I have embraced the gift and blessings that our children are and know that for us, now, the only answer to the question, “Are you done having children?” is “We do not know.”
My pregnancies and post-partum periods have not been a bed of roses, so I do not say this casually because it has all been easy. I was riddled with fear my first pregnancy, which only increased with delivery by emergency c-section followed by severe post-partum depression. Click here to read an article "How Fear Affects the Body" My second pregnancy I had heart palpitations and Annais was born with kidney reflux. After his birth I met God as my healer and began to understand the provisions already made for my healing. My pregnancy with Kaira was wonderful and this pregnancy with Judah at age 37 (will be 38 a few weeks after his birth) has been the most incredible experience of my life. I have not had one cold, virus or infection this whole pregnancy. This is the first time in my WHOLE life that I have gone this many months without being sick, praise God!
So, for those who so comically ask us, “Do you know where babies come from?” The answer is ABSOLUTELY, and we look forward to as many blessings He wants to give us. God says, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee…” My pregnancies may surprise some, but they are no surprise to the one who birthed my children first in His heart.
In Proverbs 16:9 it says “A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps” and was that was so true for me, but the problem was my heart was not right, so I devised my plans from a place of pain and bondage. My heart was broken and wounded and only after allowing the Lord to heal my heart could I agree with His plans for our family.
Here are photos and instructions to make eight (8) 6x6 scrapbook pages using only three (3) sheets of card stock. This time I used decorative scrapbook paper instead of stamping on white card stock - either way is fine and beautiful - I just opted for simplicity. I also used double sided card stock, so I had 16 completed scrapbook pages instead of eight when I was finished. I also doubled the instructions, so I have a complete 32 page 6x6 album for Judah's pictures when he arrives. I will just have to paste the pictures in the album and not have to think about "the day I will get to an album for him". Isabella also made one, so he will be sure to have pictures in an album somewhere between the two of us.
Notice I have been more creative lately? I may be nesting, but I also believe since the hardest part of the battle is behind me I am free once again to do some of the more creative and fun things I love to do - THANK YOU LORD!
For Valentine’s Day I wanted to do something really different and special for the kids, so I decided to create a “restaurant”. I asked my daughter last week what she would name a restaurant if we had one and she said, “Helms Corral”, so it is!
Menus were a must, so I used Print Shop to create some complete with pictures for them to color. I took a few kids menus from a restaurant and used them for my food and drink items. I put a few crayons together with a rubber-band to hand out with the menus.
Next, the signage – the restaurant name “Helms Corral” (actually it says cor-al, it was a misspelling that I made on all our printed material and I am okay with that - freedom is AWESOME) over the doorway entering the “restaurant” and a “please wait to be seated sign” along with “daily specials” were taped to the Bella Ballerina bar.
Also, my kids love getting peanuts in a bucket at a restaurant, so that was placed on the table when I seated them. You would naturally expect peanuts at the Helms Corral, right? I let them throw the shells on the floor too!
My daughter pretended that her and her brother were babysitting the youngest and were taking her out for dinner…about 15 minutes into the peanuts, my oldest daughter said, “I haven’t even had a peanut yet because I’ve been breaking them open for Kaira.” Yeah? Welcome to my world!
My husband and I dressed in our aprons and split up the duties – I was hostess, took drink orders, cooked and served and he took dinner orders, cooked and served. We even had ribs (easy recipe below) on the menu; it is our oldest daughter’s favorite thing to see on the kids menu.
In the background George Straight was crooning whatever it was he was crooning ten years ago when we bought that CD.
For dessert we had birthday cake and ice cream, today is Annais’ birthday. We celebrated our Valentine’s Day yesterday, but were so busy just did not have time to fit the restaurant in. The evening ended perfectly with dancing to Carried Away in the kitchen. Mommy and Daddy first and then everyone took turns. The beautiful memory of tonight will be with me for a long time.
Isabella said, "This is my favorite restaurant EVER!"
EASY CROCK POT RIBS
Place 2.5 – 3 lbs. ribs in n crock pot and drizzle Liquid Smoke on both sides of meat. Sprinkle Lawry's season salt on meat. I usually add a few cloves of garlic and some bay leaves for extra flavor.
Cook in crock pot for approximately 5 hours on high.
"Doctor up" your favorite BBQ sauce to taste using the juices from the crock pot. We used KC Masterpiece – delicious!
OUT OF DEEP WATERS is my journey of becoming mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ and growing up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ. Many posts are based on what the Lord is doing or has done in my life in an effort to:
I'm a daughter of the Most High God, wife to Michael and mom to five awesome kids. I love transforming anything I can get my hands on. Your trash is my treasure. I love the hunt, the find and the transformation process.
It is a blessing to have a space at a local antique store to share my creations and sell them too. What you see here will end up there (if I don't keep it). I'm grateful for the opportunity to do what I love.
Through this process I am learning so much about me and who I was created to be.
8th grade prom 1985 - me in the blue dress
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