HOW DO YOU HANDLE A COMPLIMENT?

In the last few months I’ve had many people encouraging me and exhorting me and a lot of it has come in the form of compliments. I remember the first time my friend said, “You are a great mom.” I could hear her, but I could also hear, “That’s because she doesn’t really know you. That’s because she didn’t see you yesterday…” Who do you think said that? My enemy, the thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I can be real with this friend, REALLY REAL, so I told her what was happening and that when she was going to compliment me she was going to have to speak to those things first and tell them to step aside because she had something to say to me. It continued to happen when her or others spoke words of praise to me.

As I mentioned in the last post God is teaching me about my identity and through that I am learning to love myself. Did you know the bible repeatedly says to love yourself? (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8)

A couple of weeks ago during lunch with friends one of them said, “You are funny.” And I said, “I know.” Then I stopped midsentence and said, “Did you hear that? I’m learning to love myself.” It was definitely an A-HA moment! I think I could hear the angels singing.

It has been a process of me learning who I really am and agreeing with what God says about me and what others who love Him and me have to say about me. It has been really important to pay attention to the things I hear when others are encouraging me and exhorting me because that is where the breakdown starts. When I listen to the voice of my enemy and begin to give ear to his words instead of my Father’s I begin to accuse my Daddy of being a liar. Sounds harsh, but it is true.

So, how do you handle compliments?

WHO AM I, REALLY?

God has really been teaching me about my identity. Throughout my life I guess I could say I’ve never known who I really am. Recently I realized that my identity came from the various titles I’ve had over the course of my life. Over the last several months many of my titles have been stripped away. I’m no longer a business owner, I’m no longer a homeschool mom and I’m no longer a wife. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was in my “titles.” The truth is I am a DAUGHTER, not just a DAUGHTER, but the DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD and that is enough.

This is a brand new revelation and I’m learning how to just be a daughter (of course I’m still a mommy), but truly resting in the fact that being a daughter is enough. I’m accepted and loved based on that alone! That is still sinking in.

What does it look like to be a DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD? I’m not sure yet and honestly it still makes me squirm and twitch a bit. I’m learning to let people love me, just me, a girl who doesn’t have it all figured out.

I’m blessed to be a part of a church body where no one has “arrived” and we are given opportunities every service to share our struggles and our victories. It is through this that I have been able to grow and learn that being a daughter is a high and holy calling and that I AM GOING TO MESS UP AND IT’S OKAY. Did you catch that? It is okay to mess up! THAT REALLY MESSES ME UP!

Who are you? Where do you get your identity? Have you asked your Daddy who you are? If not, read His Word and He will reveal it to you.

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: John 1:12

PARADISE

Image: Jomphong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A little over a month ago after much prayer, the Lord opened a door for me and the kids to move to a small town a couple of hours away. As we sat at the table one day talking about moving, my oldest said, "We are going to paradise." "I like that," I said.

The property has a rental cottage on it and there is a family of seven there this week, so we were all outside on the deck having dinner last night and the mom said, "This is paradise." "Yes! It is!" I replied. The fenced in yard is spacious and has beautiful gardens full of many varieties of roses, irises and much that has yet to bloom.

Today I looked up paradise in the Strong's Concordance and it said:

1. a place of future happiness



2. a place of blessedness

and today I would say BOTH are accurate.

Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. John 16:13

TRUST AND OBEY, THERE IS NO OTHER WAY

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Words from a hymn written in 1887, but the words and message are timeless!

If I really sit down and think about why I do not obey, it usually comes down to a lack of trust.

At the end of March I took Judah for prayer for his ear infections. It had been a couple of years since I had been to that particular church’s prayer night. After they were done praying for me and Judah a lady called me over and handed me two pictures that she had painted for me while I was receiving prayer.

(Sorry for the terrible picture, I tried taking it over and over again. The text says, "I have set angels in charge over you. You are never alone.")

This one immediately ministered to me because Isabella had asked me to read the story of Jesus’ temptation in the desert before I left the house. For the first time the last line really stood out to me and became rhema:

Matthew 4:11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.

The next picture ministered to me for a moment and I cried, but the Lord told me this one was not for me and He told me who it was for.




A little girl approached me as I left and handed me yet another painting (above) and said that it was “the Lord’s presence”. Needless to say I was extremely blessed and full leaving there that night. I came home and taped the two pictures from the lady to my bathroom mirror and gave the one from the little girl to Isabella.

The Lord kept gently reminding me to send the one of the jar with tears to someone else. I hesitated, I stalled, I flat out disobeyed. I wanted that for myself, I wanted the constant reminder that He sees ME. I could not let go of that tangible reminder. I was feeling forgotten by God, unseen, desperate for Him and I did NOT trust Him.

About a month later I knew that I would be seeing the lady who the picture was for, so I sat down with the picture, a card and a pen. I cried. I mean really cried. I wrote to her telling her that the Lord said this was for her and that I did not want to give it to her, but He was telling me to trust Him. I put the picture in the card and sealed the envelope and headed to the meeting. She was not there. I asked someone if they would see her and they said they would not – maybe I could just keep it after all? No! I addressed it and put it in the mailbox. My well meaning son brought me the mail, not really, it was just the card that I had put in there. Hmmm, maybe I could still keep it? No! I explained to him that it was outgoing mail and asked him to take it back. Two days later I read this (please click on the link and read Nita's post, it is overwhelming). I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God, I cried and cried. The blessing for me was not in the keeping of that which did not belong to me, but the giving it away. Despite my disobedience the Lord used that picture at the perfect time to bless Nita and Drew. I was left speechless at what the Lord did.

You know what the message was at the meeting that night, the night that I took the picture to its rightful owner...That God in the Old Testament is El Roi, THE GOD WHO SEES.

This is not to puff myself up or pat myself on the back for my obedience, I just want to share the result of obedience (even delayed obedience). The Lord used this situation to show me that the blessing is in the obedience. He was preparing me for an even greater task just a week later…I’ll share that next time.

Until then, do you really trust Him? Are you obeying Him? If not, why not? The more I learn to trust Him the easier it is to obey Him especially when I see how He took my mustard seed and multiplied it!

GOD'S LOVE

Have you ever bought something for someone because the Lord prompted you to do so? You didn’t know why they would need that mug, plaque, book, etc., but He did. Have you ever been overwhelmed by His love for someone when giving them something that you knew He wanted you to give them? It’s amazing isn’t it?

Have you prayed that prayer, the one that goes something like, “Lord give me your heart for others, let me see them like you see them.” He has answered me time and time again, supernaturally enabling me to share His love with someone else. I think I missed it a lot of the time not realizing He was answering in a particular way and I guess I assume all of sudden I will feel like He feels and see what He sees, but I don’t. Usually I will be burdened with His great love for someone else and in those moments, it never dawned on me that this is His expression of love for this person and He feels the same way about me. Pretty amazing!

You know the flowers your friend brings to your house, the card with just the right scripture in it or the hot chocolate left on your doorstep on a cold, winter’s day by a friend who knew you had none. That is how He loves us - through one another. If we are not expressing His love to others, to the world, who is?

TRUST

Tonight we were about to make an impromptu run to the Dollar Store to snag a blow up pool for a $1. When I tried to start the van it would not start, so my husband charged the battery while Isabella and I waited in the car. She was obviously afraid, so I began asking her questions. She was afraid to be in the car while he was charging it because she was afraid it would roll down the hill, so I explained to her that the "park" feature still worked. Then she began crying as we backed down the driveway because if we got stuck at the store "Daddy would leave the little ones alone while he came to get us" and I assured her that would not happen. Daddy would not leave the little ones at home, he would bring them with him or someone there would help start our van. I said we need to trust God Isabella...I knew this was a "teachable" moment. It was important she go with me and face her fear and trust her Father.

Isn't it interesting how irrational her fears were, but aren't all fears irrational? Fear is not based on Truth.

Ever seen the acrostic FEAR? False Evidence Appearing Real

As we left the parking lot I explained to her that we can always trust God. I told her I was glad she trusted me and the words that escaped her lips left me speechless, "Me too, if not my life would be a disaster." Wow! That was a loaded statement.

Remember my struggle with retreating to old seasons? Well, here is my revelation. Plain and simple it is FEAR. A spirit of fear that the bible tells me DID NOT come from my Father. I am struggling with trusting Him right now and my life some days is a "disaster" - I am going to remember what Isabella said. So much wisdom for such a little girl. A girl who knows her Father and trusts Him and believes He is a good Daddy. On days like today I learn much more from my kids than they learn from me.

Trusting our parents is important, but trusting God it is VITAL!

EUREKA!

Photo from freedigitalphotos.net

"Eureka (Greek "I have found it") is an exclamation used as an interjection to celebrate a discovery," says Wikipedia . Okay, so “what have I found” you ask? A theme for our homeschool year. The Lord is just cool like that, He gives us what we are looking for (or need) even when we are not looking for it (or do not know that we need it). This year I was struggling to get stuff together, but this has given me the inspiration and direction I needed.

We have never had a theme for our homeschool year, but this year we do. God has continually brought Psalm 1 to mind as a theme for us this year and reminded me that I AM A TREE PLANTED BY STREAMS OF WATER and so are my children. A picture of a palm tree is what I keep seeing. I heard a pastor say once that “a palm tree can be bent, but not broken.” I grew up in Miami, Florida – I know palm trees! I have seen palm trees (still standing) after a hurricane. The storms of life will attempt to break my kids and so will their enemy, the accuser, but as trees planted by streams of water they will not be broken as long as they stay connected to the Source.

Today at lunch I told the kids our theme for the upcoming year and Isabella said, “That was our verse yesterday at camp.” I went to the car and got their “newsletter”, published by the campers and the verse of the day was:

He is like a tree planted by water that sends out its roots by the stream and does not fear when heat comes for its leaves became green and it is not anxious in the year of drought for it does not cease to bear fruit. Jeremiah 17:8

I could teach, on that verse alone, for the entire year.

What a foundation my kids will gain from Psalm 1 as they begin to understand who God has called them to be. We will be doing the following:

• Memorizing Psalm 1
• Meditating on Psalm 1 and understanding its meaning in our lives and the lives of others around us
• Decorating with palm trees (they have some cute blow up ones from orientaltrading.com) – this is for fun…gotta have fun!
• Making trees which will bear fruit – as the kids apply what they learn and begin incorporating it into their lives they will get flowers for their trees (I will not set it up as a competition, but as encouragement to each other)
• Use the theme to incorporate all academic activities – math, science, history, art, music and language arts

I am excited about this and think it will be a fruitful year for all of us.

Psalm 1
1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

Thank you Lord for speaking truth to my heart to help me teach my kids more about you.

Teach them to your children and to their children after them. 10 Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me, "Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children. Deuteronomy 4:9-10

18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 19 Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 20 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-21

GOD KNEW...

Amanda did not know that purple is my favorite color, but God did! Amanda did not know how much I could use a bouquet of flowers today, but God did! Our hearts ache, our marriages fail, we fail, our kids disobey...BUT GOD!

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Delighting in Him,

FAMILY DEVOTIONS

On the Fourth of July Isabella handed me a piece of paper with this verse on it…

I will surely bless you … because you have obeyed me. Genesis 22:17-18

This was in her Adventure Bible in a small box at the top of the page that they call “Words to Treasure”

She said she was going to memorize it. A short time later she had handwritten a verse for everyone and said this was their memory verse and we would have family devotions later that night (led by her) and we would each recite our verse followed by some worship time. Sure enough she called us together in the den, we all recited our verses (mine was “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”). She said she gave me an easy one – thanks Isabella!

After everyone said their verse she played songs from her Crocodile Dock VBS CD and we did the motions. I would highly recommend this CD for children, it has wonderful songs on it. Check out some of the videos with hand motions on Youtube (just type in Crocodile Dock). It was truly a blessing! She has been hiding God’s Word in her heart since she was little, I cannot wait to see what God has in store for her.

MOMMY'S JOB DESCRIPTION by KAIRA

You've got to love it when kids tell it just like it is! Actually I couldn't have said it better myself.

A FATHER'S DAY TO REMEMBER

Father’s day this year was awesome! We made the journey to church and had planned to spend the day at the river afterwards. Little did we know service would last four hours. Usually when service is long we head out about 1:00 p.m. or when the kids get fidgety. Well, they didn’t and we didn’t. It was so awesome we just could not leave. Our church services are not traditional by any means and Father’s Day was no different! The service has an open mic format according to Colossians 3:16 - Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. The service quickly develops a “flow” of the Spirit.

There is a section up front called the earnest section where anyone who wants to be saved can go up anytime during the service and the service will stop and they will receive prayer, it is also for anyone that is struggling with something and needs to repent or needs prayer. There were several people in the earnest section on Father’s day. It was a precious time of healing, I think for everyone. For me it was healing to hear a daughter repent to her father, her father forgive her and him pray for her. When the daughter got up and spoke some of her words about herself were derogatory, so her father disallowed her vow (Numbers 30:6-8). Now the enemy has no right to use those words against her and the Lord will forgive her…the beauty of Truth.

There is also a section up front for the open mic where people get up and share just like Colossians 3:16 says. I am so encouraged in my faith when I hear how others have overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the Word of their testimony.

The pastor also had everyone share “popcorn” testimonies. He had someone walk around with a microphone and people gave brief declarations of the Lord’s doings…people had been healed of many sicknesses and diseases, restored marriages, broken hearts healed...it lasted about 15 minutes.

It was a precious day with a lot of wonderful reminders of who our Heavenly Father is and what He has called men to be as daddies. A wonderful reminder of His great love for us and what WAS accomplished on the cross because of LOVE.

We did go to the river after our lunch in town and had a wonderful time. It was almost as much fun as last Father’s Day adventure. The river was low, but that did not stop us from cruising down the river using our bodies with children on our laps causing us to bump every rock in sight…there were a lot of ooooohs and ouches, but it was a blast. We all had a memorable day.

A TEACHABLE MOMENT

One night I held the hairdryer over Isabella’s ear too long and burned it a little. She said, “Ouch, you burned my ear”. I turned the hairdryer off and told her it reminded me of when the men came to arrest Jesus and one of his followers cut off one of the soldier’s ears and Jesus healed him.

Her response was priceless:

“Mommy, that’s love!” And with a look of revelation on her precious face she said, “Oh - I get it, love your enemies”.

I was amazed at how well she understood Jesus’ actions and applied them to scripture that she has heard (and apparently hidden in her heart). Her revelation was revelation for me too!

I remember watching The Passion of the Christ by Mel Gibson and the scene in the garden in particular when they came to arrest Jesus was the most troubling for me. Why? Because Jesus immediately reached up and healed that man’s ear and I thought to myself I do not understand love like that. Even then the connection of “loving your enemies” never hit me, but it has now thanks to the words Isabella excitingly uttered in my bathroom that night. The teachable moment was my daughter teaching me – Praise God!

When Jesus' followers saw what was going to happen, they said, "Lord, should we strike with our swords?" And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear.
But Jesus answered, "No more of this!" And he touched the man's ear and healed him. Luke 22:49-51

WHY I HOMESCHOOL

Getting ready for Judah's arrival has reminded me of preparing the last couple of weeks for Kaira. God was doing some pretty big things in my heart just before she arrived. Only God could change my life so dramatically two weeks before giving birth to my third child and keep me in His perfect peace. Here is part of the story...

The last two weeks of my pregnancy with Kaira (September 2006) the Lord began to speak to me about homeschooling and I was receptive, so I know it was Him. I had never planned to homeschool (unless the Lord called me to do it I would always say when asked) and it really was NOT something I had a desire to do. But you know when the Lord begins to change your heart and stir your spirit, EVERYTHING CHANGES and in this case it changed FAST.

For a period of about three weeks early in the pregnancy I kept running into women, friends and strangers, who were referring to mothering as “fun” – not a word I would have used to describe it. I began to ask God to show me the fun in mothering. What I realized is that the enemy had, from the time of Isabella’s birth, stolen my joy. Jesus clearly states that the enemy comes to seek, kill and destroy, but He came so that I may have life and have it to the full. Little by little God was replacing lies with His truth. He began to give me revelation of the gift that my children were. Psalms 127:3 became truth for me. It is hard to put into words, but the fulfillment of that promise brought me great comfort and hope that I had not had before.

Isabella and Annais were enrolled in preschool at the time and I looked forward to those two days alone. As in years past I could not wait for school to start, but this time once school started something had changed, I was not so eager to see them go and wondered what they were learning especially when them came home and I only heard bits and pieces. God used several events to remind me that He had a plan for my children’s lives and showed me that I was the best one to guide them on His path. He had instructed me and taught me the way I should go and He wanted me to teach my children. As I mentioned I never saw myself as a homeschooling mom, but always said if the Lord called me to it, I would. The first thing he said to me was, “You are their mother, and you are called”. That was all I needed to seek Him whole heartedly in the area of homeschooling.

A week after Kaira was born the Lord clearly spoke to me in the bathroom at Waffle House of all places. He said, “Invest and I will bless.” I knew what He was referring to my relationship with my husband and homeschooling my children. He just did not give me a time frame. Then through a series of divine appointments I began to gain a deep confidence in my ability to do what the Lord had called me to do. He says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” I had been thoroughly equipped for this and I was to use His word as a basis to teach my children. I have watched Him repeatedly bless my minimal, but obedient efforts to educate my children. He has upheld His part of that deal – as I obey Him, He blesses our homeschool.

I pulled both my kids out of preschool that November, two months after Kaira’s birth, which was God’s time because I had planned on leaving them in until at least Christmas and maybe even year end.

During a conversation with another homeschooling mom while asking her about curriculum she told me she prays about what to teach her son. What? Amazing! Right then and there God gave me a revelation: If He knows the plans He has for my children and I ask Him what to teach them their education will be in His perfect will and time for their lives. I will be coaching them towards their God given destiny. What an awesome privilege and partnership.

Sitting at a ladies tea that December I listened to the speaker share everything she knew about tea and the history of tea. Coupled with her knowledge of tea was her knowledge of history and how it related to tea. I began to think about my lack of historical knowledge, the fact that I had dropped out of school and the Lord spoke to me. “Mari,” he said, “you had so much going on in your life as a child you could not retain all the things you were being taught, but I am going to give you a second chance with your children.” I could feel the tears fill my eyes and my heart swell with gratefulness. Psalm 103:4-5 says “Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.”

Just before I got pregnant with Kaira I got on my knees and prayed that the Lord would give me an insatiable hunger for His word, He did and it has been an amazing journey. I have been truly transformed by the renewing of my mind which has graced me to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. That day was preparation for a time such as this, so I would clearly know and be able to test through His word all that He has been speaking to my heart and spirit.

God showed me that this was His plan all along, but being the loving and gracious Father He is He was patient with me. He carried me on a path of healing and brought me to a place of rest before He revealed His plan. He brought me to a place emotionally and spiritually to receive the gift.

People tend to think that homeschooling is something only some people can do and I am here to tell you that it is something that is proof positive for me, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". There is nothing special about me, I am just obeying my Father and He's doing the rest. The most work that has had to be done in our homeschool has been in my heart, actions and attitudes. I have had to give up my ideas of how things should be and submit to His. I have had to have my mind renewed and still do in His truth and let go of the lies. I have had to give up things that worked against me and family and submit to His ways. It is a continual learning process. The more I teach my children, the more I learn about the faithfulness of God to love me so much He will not leave me this way.

This song really speaks to the change that took place for me as He prepared me for His plan.

READY FOR YOU BY KUTLESS

IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT ME

Have you seen this shirt, or purse or notebook? It seems to be everywhere targeting our kids. I must admit I cringe a little every time I see it, wondering what are we teaching this generation? Well, that was until the Lord spoke to me and said, “It really is all about you!”

Your…

• Choices
• Actions
• Behaviors
• Attitudes
• Motives

Now that puts a whole different spin on “it’s all about me.” I have choices to make everyday and in every situation – bottom line – my choices reflect my heart.

The bible is clear, we have choices to make:

Joshua 24:15
But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then CHOOSE for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.

Proverbs 8:10
CHOOSE my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold…

James 4:4
…Anyone who CHOOSES to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

Deuteronomy 30:19
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now CHOOSE life, so that you and your children may live

GOD MADE HIS CHOICE:

John 15:16
You did not CHOOSE me, but I CHOSE you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES

Last night I had one of the hardest nights I have had in a long time. It was emotional and painful, but encouraging and sweet. It is times like that when I have to run to my Daddy and cry and yes, even TRUST. You see I am learning to trust Him, but it is not without Him speaking to me continually and showing up in tangible ways.

I am alone right now by His design for this season and for some reasons in my marriage I will not discuss, but I am not alone - He has sustained me. He has loved me, He has spoken to me, He has blessed me. I have a renewed Hope, He has spoken clearly and I BELIEVE Him. He has given me a promise, so now I wait, and hope and TRUST.

This morning my son, out of the blue, said, “Mommy you are the prettiest girl in the whole world.” He does not know how his words blessed a broken heart and a woman who feels everything but beautiful, especially right now. But once again God spoke to me through my child and they both spoke LIFE to me and shut the mouth of my accuser.

Out of the mouths of babes and unweaned infants You have established strength because of Your foes, that You might silence the enemy and the avenger. Psalm 8:2 (Amplified)

Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;toddlers shout the songs that drown out enemy talk,and silence atheist babble. Psalm 8:2 (The Message)

My sons words drowned out the voice of the enemy...Praise God!

THIS VERY THING

A few weeks ago on a Sunday morning before church I took a cup of tea and sat in the screened porch. "So what?" you may be thinking, that is not a big deal. For a Martha that is a huge deal and you Martha's out there know what I am talking about.

Sunday mornings my husband is home, so in the few hours before church I can get a lot done while he is keeping an eye on the kids. It is typically not a day of rest for me. For whatever reason that Sunday I chose what was "better" and sat in the quiet of the morning and was still. Sitting at the table I saw an eagle soar through the sky into my neighbors pine trees. The first thing that came to mind was Psalm 103:5, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. Immediately I was expectant.

We got ready for church, piled in the car and took our position on the front row. Worship began and immediately I knew God was doing something. It was one of the mornings where His Spirit was thick in the room, I could feel Him all around. Everyone felt Him all around as people openly began praising Him and worshiping Him. It was one of those "moments", those "moments" you really cannot describe, but anyone who has experienced it knows exactly what I mean. I began to sob, a deep, deep sob that seemed to penetrate right to my core. I needed it. I had been burdened all week.

This is going to get really personal, so if that freaks you out stop reading NOW.

My husband and I have had a rough marriage since the beginning, we have struggled with a lot of things. Recently we both realized one of the biggest problems in our marriage is ungodly order. I think we both always knew that, but did not have a clue how to change it. We went before the Lord and repented for our roles in that. I was excited until I had to walk it out by faith.

Releasing my husband to be the head of our household meant that I had to give up a lot of my roles, responsibilities and requirements. I had to give up control. Scary does not begin to describe the emotion that I was feeling. Sheer terror and panic was more like it and that in itself is what kept the ungodly order in place. I was so afraid that if I did not take care of things everything would fall apart, so I took care of everything and that was easy for the Martha in me, but the Mary in me was dying spiritually because there was no time to spend with my Daddy, no time to crawl up in His lap and say, "hold me I am scared, lonely, exhausted." There was no time for anything, especially anything fun.

The burden I had been carrying all of that week was due to my first encounter of actually having to release my husband to lead. In my opinion he was making bad choices, choices he had made in the past that led us both down some pretty rough roads. I sensed the enemy was setting up circumstances for a repeat performance and he could not see it. So, in my new position I had to trust. Trust my husband, no? Trust God! I realized I did not trust God, the fear overcame me and the thought of having to submit to my husband freaked me out. I was a wreck. I could not trust God to protect me in spite of his bad decisions. What do you do with that? I had no clue. It also made me realize being a perfectionist comes down to not trusting God. I do not trust Him with anything, so I take things upon myself and try to make them right or perfect, never achieving, but continually striving - kind of like a hamster on a wheel. No wonder I am always worn out.

Anyway, our pastor started his sermon that morning with this:

When you bump up against something that is Holy, you have two choices:

1. You can die or
2. You can be changed

I had just encountered a Holy God in worship and although I may have felt like I might die, my heart really wanted to be changed. I wanted to be free from perfectionism and not trusting God or anyone. It hurt too much. It had already caused too much grief and destruction. I had been living in a constant state of fear and anxiety.

I made it through the sermon with only a few more tears, then worship began again and so did the sobbing, but this time it was accompanied by a physical pain in the pit of my belly and uncontrolled audible sobs. I was very conscious of what was happening, but determined not to stifle what God wanted to do, so I gave in and it continued. I went to one of our pastors and asked him to pray for me because:

1. I just realized I do not trust God or maybe anybody for that matter
2. The perfectionism that had taken over since we bought the business was too much to bear

He prayed with me and as he prayed I sobbed louder and the pain got worse. I ended up on the floor because the pain and pressure were so great. I again determined to stay there until the Lord was finished. (As I am typing this I realize that required trust - Praise God). I trusted God enough to let Him do whatever He was doing in me and wait for Him to finish. I was there a long time, about half an hour. I just let it go. I think I let a lot of things go that Sunday, a lot of pain and a lot of grief. When I stood up I felt weak, but better somehow.

There is a Mary in here that wants to take her place, but Martha has got to move aside. I cannot do that myself, so I am TRUSTING Him to complete the good work He has begun in me.

Being confident of THIS VERY THING, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ Phil 1:6

A POWERFUL AESOP'S FABLE

The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey

A Man and his son were once going with their Donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: "You fools, what is a Donkey for but to ride upon?"

So the Man put the Boy on the Donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: "See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides."

So the Man ordered his Boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn't gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: "Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along."

Well, the Man didn't know what to do, but at last he took his Boy up before him on the Donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The Man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: "Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours and your hulking son?"

The Man and Boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey's feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned.

"That will teach you," said an old man who had followed them:
"Please all, and you will please none."

Someone shared this with me a couple of weeks ago and it ministered deeply to me. I changed the moral to “If you are pleasing man - you cannot please God” or "If you are agreeing with the enemy - you are sinning"

The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. He said to them, You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of men, but God knows your hearts. What is highly valued among men is detestable in God's sight. Luke 16:14-15

How often do we change our direction because we want to please man or because we have bought the enemies lie? We forget what Psalm 32:8 says...I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;I will counsel you and watch over you.

I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS

We will be leaving shortly, but I wanted to leave you with this beautiful song of freedom and grace.

Some of the lyrics from Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin, the video is the whole song.

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

THE GOODNESS OF GOD

What a day! I have been inundated with insight and revelation. Below is just one major area the Lord has been revealing today in order of occurrence.

• Wrote the previous post where I said, “Today I have been overwhelmed with gratefulness of the GOODNESS of God”
• Thought about Psalms 27:13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the GOODNESS of the LORD in the land of the living. And wondered “where would I be?” I shudder to think!
• Went to the mailbox where my Believer’s Voice of Victory was waiting with the cover story “God’s GOODNESS – the foundation of faith” Headline includes Psalm 27:13 (Amplified) [What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s GOODNESS in the land of the living! In this story Gloria Copeland writes, "Only by placing our lives in His hands can we open the way for Him to save us, bless us and work through us, so that His wonderful will can be done on earth as it is done in Heaven." Check out my profile - He is giving me strategy to have the desires of my heart - His kingdom come, His will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
• Read an email with a “word of encouragement”, you guessed it – Psalm 27:13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the GOODNESS of the LORD in the land of the living.

I have had so much revelation today my mind cannot keep up with it – Praise God! The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7 My heart and soul are leaping today with eager AND joyous expectation. I guess you could say I have been kissed by the King again.

Thank you Lord for your unfailing, neverending, everlasting love.

REPLEVIN

re·plev·in
1. an action for the recovery of goods or chattels wrongfully taken or detained.

It is time to take back from the enemy what he has stolen from us. We do not take it back because we lack, but because it is ours.

This video is a great portrayal of taking it ALL back!

What has he stolen from you? Your husband, your health, your children, your joy? Whatever it is, it belongs to you? Go get it!