HOPING FOR SPRING

Hope can be defined as "joyous expectancy" and that is where I am at in the midst of a winter season, I am "hoping" for spring. If you have been here a while, you know all the Lord is teaching me about seasons (here, here, here and here) and I can happily report I am overcoming the fear and resting in the current season and not going back or forward. I was blessed to find this on Cheri Keaggy's site:

He said) ‘See, I am doing a new thing – do you not perceive (it)?’ Making a way in the desert - filling up wasteland with streams Yours is a story of Winter – but, child, you have believed That I am the Author of your life – and now I am writing your Spring

There are buds all around me and I can't wait to see them bloom (and unto Him be all the Glory)!

A DECADE AGO

April 8th, 2000 at 6:30 in the evening Todd and I said, "I DO." It was a beautiful and very personal ceremony. Our little 3.5 pound Yorkie was our ring bearer, Todd's dad sang a beautiful song to us and Todd surprised me with Cross My Heart by George Strait. Todd is an incredible singer and it was awesome to have him singing to me. Did you see Pure Country? Check it out, George Strait sings it to his love interest in the movie - I bawled! My friend Malorie and her husband shared the Blessings of Grace, a personal biblical exhortation of Christ, husband, wife and marriage. It was all I ever dreamed of. It was not my first marriage, but it was my first marriage since becoming a believer in Jesus Christ. All my hopes were in the fact that Todd and I both loved God and I secretly hoped it would be enough and feared it wouldn't. Little did I know then!

So, much has happened since that day 10 years ago. We relocated to Georgia two months after our wedding. We've moved four times. There have been job changes, disappointments, blessings and 1-2-3-4 AWESOME kids.

Tonight, with four kids at the next table, we will celebrate not only 10 years of marriage, but 10 years of God's faithfulness, blessings, love and provision. I set up a card table in the den with the glasses that were served at our cabin in the mountains at our dinner for two. The clock represents the cabin's name "Time Stops Here" that we stayed in. The one thing not on the table during our honeymoon are the envelopes in the bottom right corner addressed to "mom and dad".

Music from our wedding will be playing while we eat and I asked Todd to bring home a VCR, so together with our precious children we can watch our wedding video.

I still do not know what our future holds (nor will I ever), but I know God has good plans for us, plans to give us a hope and a future. I've had so much revelation in the area of our marriage this last week, I could not possibly fit it in one post. Maybe more on that later, but for now we CELEBRATE!!!

We have been visiting a local church for their marriage series, "I Want a New Marriage" and although simple, it was incredibly powerful. On the third week of the message the pastor's wife shared from her perspective and I gained so much insight and "freedom" from that. You can listen to the podcasts here and I highly recommend it!

The following is printed with permission:

When I told the kids that I was going to take a shower, Isabella said, "Go ahead mommy, you deserve to take a shower after being married to daddy for ten years." Oh, out of the mouth of babes!

THIS IS GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL

We are finally getting around to decorating "our room". It is becoming more and more important for us to have our "space". Here are some of the treasures we have found. Only little snippets till the big reveal when it's close to done...don't know when that will be.

Do you like my (new) hat? I found this lamp, or this lamp found me at a local antique store. I saw him and was intrigued and then I couldn't stop looking at him. I walked around the store several times before returning to his booth and snatching him up. He came with the first shade and it just wasn't him, so I replaced his hat with the second...much better! He is now "basket boy" in our house and I love him. The lamp cost either $22 or $28, I can't remember, but is any price too great a price for la piece de resistance? Unequivocally, NO!

Found this chair and a half at the same store with basket boy. I have been looking for a chair like this for a LONG time and the price was right $89 and $29 for the ottoman. The tray was $10.80 at One of a Kind, the store where I have my booth. Trouble with being somewhere with so many beautiful things, a lot of beautiful things come home with me.
These beauties were also found at One of a Kind, the first week I had my booth. I can't reveal the price because it was a generous good deal from another dealer. I loved these doves the most until I met basket boy, oh, emotions so futile! I will be looking at small quilts today in another dealer's booth perfect for in between the ottoman and the tray. Of course I have ideas for the tray, but you will just have to wait and see. The hint of color on the wall will be our new bedroom color - someday.
A friend sent us money for Christmas as she usually does, but this year we used it on ourselves. We bought the hat for basket boy, a bedskirt (that needs wrinkle releaser, since I don't iron) and three pillow shams. It looks beautiful! The bedspread was aquired years ago at Marshalls for about $50 and it was blue, but I got bleach on it, so I bleached the whole thing. I love the way it turned out, now it is an off-white, but the threading is still blue.

WANTED: PATIENCE

THIS IS KAIRA

THIS IS KAIRA LEFT UNATTENDED FOR 60 SECONDS that is her face full of my makeup - cute, huh?Kaira has really been a handful these days. Into everything and disobedient. It is easy to chalk it off to the adjustment of a new baby in the house, but the Lord has begun to show me there is so much more.

I have been telling my husband for a LONG time that disciplining is not working, not just with Kaira, but with the other two as well and this is what the Lord told me:

"You have been disciplining your children the way the world does, they are not of this world; that is why it is not working.

Wow, that summed it up in a nutshell and made so much sense. We have disciplined our children, but they have not been "trained" (to develop or form the habits, thoughts or behaviors of) from the Word. In other words, transformed by the renewing of their minds. We tell them "treat others the way you want to be treated" but they see us at odds all the time and not speaking more often than I would like to admit.

Isabella and Annais were arguing over who wrote the correct number four in the van, I mean they were really fighting over this. I pulled the van over on the highway and explained to them that if four people were taught the same way to write a number four they would all write them differently over time and they would all be right. It was a startling reminder that these little ones watch everything. They were willing to hurt each other and risk harmony in their relationship just to be right. Ouch!

The Lord has also been showing me how we have all contributed to some of Kaira's behavior. I sat down and talked with everyone about it and we all sat down with Kaira and repented to her and asked her to forgive us for what we have done. It was precious to listen to some of what was said, the older two really understood what we were doing and they were thoughtful in their discussions with her. I have been more diligent in monitoring the other kids and how they treat her and more gentle in correcting them. It is all so exhausting, but so necessary. I have been so wrapped up in marriage issues, these have fallen by the wayside and now we are all paying the price. My behavior has yet to catch up to this latest revelation or the desire in my heart, but I trust the Lord will bring it to pass. These kids are victims in a war that was started long before they were born...sad, so sad!

I want so much to have a loving example of marriage for my children, but there has been so much hurt. Much healing needs to take place and I pray the Lord will make it a speedy work. Right now my heart is too tender to trust the one who has hurt me repeatedly and betrayed me so often, but for the sake of my kids I must surrender to the Lord and allow Him to heal my broken heart because the love I give them depends on it.

With His help I am loving Kaira in the midst of her antics and being kinder and gentler even when my insides are raging. Soon, I trust, the Lord will calm the storm inside of me and bring sunny skies to our household.

He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Proverbs 16:32

WAITING

Anything I post regarding my marriage has been read (and approved) by my husband.

For the last nine months I have been “waiting” – not only for the birth of my child, but the restoration of my marriage*. It was just before I got pregnant that the Lord told me He was getting ready to move on my behalf in my marriage, He was going to loose me from the situation that I had been pleading with Him to loose me from. I had no idea what that meant exactly, but it gave me great hope. I called a friend and told her what the Lord said to me through laughter and tears and she asked what did that mean and I said “I have no idea, but I just had to tell someone.” I also knew He did not give me a time frame, so now I was to WAIT.

The song While I’m Waiting by John Waller from the movie Fireproof became the cry of my heart (lyrics and video at the end of this post). I began to watch my husband slip away to places he had never been before. My only hope was the Lord and what He had promised me. My complete TRUST had to be in Him. Sometimes the pain of watching my husband retreat into isolation and darkness was almost unbearable, but the Lord was ALWAYS faithful.

Regardless of the situation or circumstances I had to move ahead – I had a three children and one on the way to take care of. Obedience became key as God was orchestrating His plan even in the midst of the pain. My obedience brought criticism, judgment, gossip and loss of friendships. Temporary separation from others was important as I sought to hear His voice among the noise of well-meaning, Christian friends. He began to show me that even godly counsel not in line with His will from my life and my marriage is ungodly. I will not deceive you into believing I was obedient every step of the way, I was not, I faltered frequently into fear and self-pity. Again, the Lord was faithful.

What was I to do when everything seemed to be heading in the opposite direction of what the Lord had promised? Worship. Worship. Worship. He had already given me the promise of Judah and had taught me to praise Him despite my circumstances. He had brought me to a place of trust and I knew I must remain there.

As the journey continued He covered me with peace and protection. As I let Him fight (Exodus 14:14) the battle that ensued – I took my peace. The battle seemed endless and was taking its toll on me. I continued to battle despite times of hopelessness and discouragement and I still had His words to me. I knew I must press on.

I had decisions to make - was I going to be in fear or be in peace? I chose PEACE. Was I going to nurse self-pity or serve Him? I was going to SERVE HIM no matter what.

There is so much more to this story, but I am sharing the part that goes with this song because it was such an integral part of my journey and is very much part of the testimony. Every time I heard this song I bawled because it was my hearts cry to serve the Lord despite my situation. I did not know how He was going to come through for me, but He said He would and I believed Him even in the pain.

God has fulfilled His promise to me and I will share the beauty of that soon. Enjoy this song and if you are “waiting” remember they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).

*The battle did not begin nine months ago, I have honestly been waiting nine years for what the Lord has done...He only gave me the promise nine months ago.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:12-13