HER NAME IS LOLA!

Lola is the gray bunny on the left and Coco is the tan one on the right. They are mini-rexes. A few months ago it became evident to me that a pet would be a great benefit for my kids. I began praying.

While out to lunch with a friend she mentioned that they were looking for a home for their dog. We arranged a meeting between said dog and my children (without their knowledge of the possibility that we might keep him). They fell in love and my heart leaped when I saw their eyes light up and their countenance change. We visited with said dog a couple of times, but it became evident it just wasn't a good fit. He was a puppy, a large puppy and we have a small house with no fenced yard. My prayer specifically was for a dog, not a puppy!

We began talking about a bunny and my oldest two got to work saving for a bunny. I got an email about a rabbit cage and pen for sale, so I bought them. My kids did a wonderful job saving and planning for a bunny. We went to our old neighbor's house, a rabbit breeder and picked out not one, but two bunnies. I just couldn't resist and my littlest two needed a pet too. We brought the bunnies home and fell in love. They are amazing. Lola, my bunny acts more like a dog than a rabbit. They are sweet and were immediately litter box trained. We keep them in their pen, with the cage inside on the screened porch (I'll include a picture of that one day when it's clean). For more on rabbits as pets, check out Georgia House Rabbit Society.

Then seemingly out of nowhere, but totally in God's bigger picture plan, we got our beloved little dog, Maggie back. We purchased Maggie, a long-haired, dachshund in the fall of 2010, but I never got the chance to post about her. In March of 2011 the kids and I moved to a new, small town with Maggie. I was a single mom, with four kids eight and under and very unsure of our circumstances and future. So, I sent Maggie back to live with my ex. He has had her since then. Recently circumstances changed and it was a good time for us to get Maggie back, so we did. In a month and a half we went from zero pets to three.

Maggie is settling in nicely. Everyone is so happy! I have realized the decision for me to not have Maggie for a while was a really loving thing to do for myself and allowed me to focus on the most important things, my children, at the time. I do not regret it or feel guilty. I am actually grateful that at a time when I could have really been cruel to myself I chose to love myself. It is a good example for my children. God is so rich in His mercy, He has restored to us what was lost and continues to do so. We are all at a much better place to love and care for Maggie.

 

 

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

This song is a great reminder of God's love for us (for you), His beloved children:
Still hoping in Him,

FREEDOM

It has been exactly one year since my last post. Today seemed like the perfect day for an update. A LOT can happen in a year! (more on that in another post)

Just over a year ago I had a revelation about FREEDOM that changed my life.

From my journal:

April 17, 2012

My thinking up until recently had been that I would have the victory or freedom when "all was said and done" or when I could say, "this is what God did, Praise the Lord!", but today as I walked around the neighborhood feeling much like a daughter feeling full and confident, it dawned on me - THIS is the victory, the FREEDOM - NOT caring what the outcome is but, basking, growing and celebrating the journey. The victory is I AM a daughter with a Daddy that loves her and no verdict or outcome can change that. I have the freedom to face ALL that lies before me without fear. So, even with no idea what the outcome is in any given situation, but SURE that the journey is making me more of the woman He created me to be.

Liberty in Strong's Concordance is 1657 freedom from 1658 which is unrestrained, not a slave, exempt from obligation or liability.

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: Romans 8:15-16

Liability is something that works to one's disadvantage. FEAR was my liability. Only in coming out of bondage to FEAR and receiving the Spirit of adoption could I cry "Abba, Father" and BE a daughter. I love being a daughter!

FREEDOM from Webster's dictionary is the state or quality of being free exemption or liberation from the control of some other person or some arbitrary power. I do not want to be controlled by some arbitrary power (For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12)

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Galations 5:5

But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the word, this man shall be blessed in his deed. James 1:25

I'M BACK!

As I sat down to type this a friend from church called to ask me for a favor. During our conversation the Lord reminded her of something I said months ago and she wanted to speak TRUTH to me. She basically told me exactly what is typed above. What great confirmation from my Abba (Daddy).

FREE,

HE DIDN'T KNOW

He didn't know that I spent over $100 this month on lice treatment

He didn't know that I spent over $200 this month on my van

He didn't know that I had unexpected doctor's visits this month

He didn't know that I am so broken it hurts

He didn't know anything about me, but...

HE did! Tonight a stranger gave me $20 and simply said, "Be blessed" and I wept because I felt HIM all around me, reminding me that HE sees it all. The stranger didn't know that his simple, kind gesture would envelope me in the Father's Love.

Something deep inside me resists the gift because it makes me feel unclean that men who are not my husband are loving me and caring for me in tangible ways. God is using His body to love the widow and her orphans and something deep in me is touched and wounded all at the same time.

That man, that man that I will probably never see again had a thought and he acted on it. Is he a believer? Filled with the Holy Spirit? It doesn't matter because God used him.

THE DESIRES OF MY HEART

Image: luigi diamanti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It was a great week, a hard one, but GREAT! I was faced with a lot of issues this week, but with God and friends He has blessed me with I began the process of overcoming, which is EXCITING to me!

This morning as I made breakfast I heard the Lord say, "I am preparing your heart to receive its desires...you are not yet ready to receive them." Wow! Wow! Wow! As I shared this with my daughter she asked if it was a revelation and I said, "Absolutely!"

Psalm 34:7 says, "Delight yourself also in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart." Delight is 6026 in the Strong's Concordance and means soft or pliable. Pliable defined by Webster's dictionary means 1. Flexible 2. Yielding easily to others.

In the process of delighting myself in the Lord I am "yielding easily" to Him and opening myself to grace (5485 Strong's), the divine influence upon the heart and its reflection in the life. Ultimately, delighting is yielding my heart to Him so He can influence it. In the process of influencing it He is teaching, molding, convicting and healing me, thus preparing me to receive the desires (requests) of my own heart, which He established to begin with. Whew! That is a lot to take in. He is not changing the desires of my heart He gave me free will to do so (it's a choice on my part). The desires of my heart are changing as I yield to Him and allow Him to heal me.

As I begin to live out this revelation I can more easily be patient in the waiting for my desires to be fulfilled because I am (Romans 12:2) being transformed by the renewing of my mind, that I may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God, which at this level have become my desires.

This revelation will also not allow me to accuse God in the waiting because as I yield to Him and allow Him to influence my heart I know that He is preparing me for my own desires (requests) to be fulfilled.

He's an amazing Daddy to give me such a precious gift this morning!

PEACE

Early on when my husband left I was so concerned about the children, looking back – overly concerned. I had several people tell me they could see the peace in my children and I was sure they were “just saying that.” I remember thinking, “How could they have peace?” The bible says, “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” James 3:16 There was almost an immediate sense of peace when the strife was gone, but I still didn't believe it for my kids. I was interjecting and confusing my struggles as a child of divorce and was afraid for them (which meant I was NOT trusting God). It is a blessing for me as I realize that as I diligently seek the Lord I am overcoming and so are they, because of HIM they do not have to live out my generational iniquities.

As I was reading the bible the other day I read this again in Isaiah 54 verse 13, “And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children.” I immediately thanked God for giving me confirmation about my children's peace. He is teaching them and GREAT is their peace. I had to hear it from Him before I would believe it, which is the way it I should be in every area of my life.

Who or what are you believing?

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD...

I shall not want.

We know the verse and know it well, many of us have it memorized, but do we KNOW it? I had a first hand experience in Psalm 23 a couple of weeks ago.

My four kids and I were leaving church. The older two were walking next to me and I was holding the 2 year old and the 4 year old was clinging to my leg because there was a stray dog pestering us. I knew the dog had knocked down a couple of kids earlier in the week and my little ones were obviously afraid. I kept telling the dog to go, but he kept coming back. A man from the church came over to where we were and got the dog away from us. I was amazed,it was as if the Lord was giving me a picture of what He wants to do for me - in every area of my life. He is my Shepherd and will keep the enemy away as I trust in Him. I didn't even have to ask the man to get the dog away from us. He took charge and took care of the situation. It was a first for me. Having always had to look out for myself, it was a beautiful example of how the Father wants to take care of me.

Isaiah 40:11 He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.

HOW DO YOU HANDLE A COMPLIMENT?

In the last few months I’ve had many people encouraging me and exhorting me and a lot of it has come in the form of compliments. I remember the first time my friend said, “You are a great mom.” I could hear her, but I could also hear, “That’s because she doesn’t really know you. That’s because she didn’t see you yesterday…” Who do you think said that? My enemy, the thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I can be real with this friend, REALLY REAL, so I told her what was happening and that when she was going to compliment me she was going to have to speak to those things first and tell them to step aside because she had something to say to me. It continued to happen when her or others spoke words of praise to me.

As I mentioned in the last post God is teaching me about my identity and through that I am learning to love myself. Did you know the bible repeatedly says to love yourself? (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 19:19, Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8)

A couple of weeks ago during lunch with friends one of them said, “You are funny.” And I said, “I know.” Then I stopped midsentence and said, “Did you hear that? I’m learning to love myself.” It was definitely an A-HA moment! I think I could hear the angels singing.

It has been a process of me learning who I really am and agreeing with what God says about me and what others who love Him and me have to say about me. It has been really important to pay attention to the things I hear when others are encouraging me and exhorting me because that is where the breakdown starts. When I listen to the voice of my enemy and begin to give ear to his words instead of my Father’s I begin to accuse my Daddy of being a liar. Sounds harsh, but it is true.

So, how do you handle compliments?

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE

The day we came to look at the house we are living in now I told the kids that we needed to pray and ask the Lord for clear direction. I told them that if the Lord gave them a verse or anything to tell me. About ten minutes down the road I hear from the backseat, "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord whether that is in the old house or the new house." Alrighty then!

The day we moved in I saw there was a framed print in one of the rooms "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord" Such great confirmation.

John Waller has a song called As For Me and My House and it is awesome. You can download it for free here by making a declaration that you are serving the Lord in your household.

In the song it says:

Idols raised, tear them down

For me it was a startling revelation that my husband had become an idol to me. During the Beth Moore Breaking Free study, she gives a testimony about her son-in-law. He puts his son to bed everynight and says something like "I'm proud to be your dad, I think you have what it takes to be a great man and I love you" and everynight the toddler looks up and says, "I want juice." The Lord used that story to show me how He has told me, "Mari I'm proud to be your dad, I think you have what it takes to be a great woman and I love you" and I would look up at Him and say, "I want Todd." I rejected God's love seeking the love of a man. Oh, that was a humbling revelation. I repented for idolatry and am now seeking the Lord in ALL areas of my life.

What or who are your idols? Are you ready to tear them down? Whose kingdom are you building?

WHO AM I, REALLY?

God has really been teaching me about my identity. Throughout my life I guess I could say I’ve never known who I really am. Recently I realized that my identity came from the various titles I’ve had over the course of my life. Over the last several months many of my titles have been stripped away. I’m no longer a business owner, I’m no longer a homeschool mom and I’m no longer a wife. I didn’t realize how much of my identity was in my “titles.” The truth is I am a DAUGHTER, not just a DAUGHTER, but the DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD and that is enough.

This is a brand new revelation and I’m learning how to just be a daughter (of course I’m still a mommy), but truly resting in the fact that being a daughter is enough. I’m accepted and loved based on that alone! That is still sinking in.

What does it look like to be a DAUGHTER OF THE MOST HIGH GOD? I’m not sure yet and honestly it still makes me squirm and twitch a bit. I’m learning to let people love me, just me, a girl who doesn’t have it all figured out.

I’m blessed to be a part of a church body where no one has “arrived” and we are given opportunities every service to share our struggles and our victories. It is through this that I have been able to grow and learn that being a daughter is a high and holy calling and that I AM GOING TO MESS UP AND IT’S OKAY. Did you catch that? It is okay to mess up! THAT REALLY MESSES ME UP!

Who are you? Where do you get your identity? Have you asked your Daddy who you are? If not, read His Word and He will reveal it to you.

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: John 1:12

PARADISE

Image: Jomphong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A little over a month ago after much prayer, the Lord opened a door for me and the kids to move to a small town a couple of hours away. As we sat at the table one day talking about moving, my oldest said, "We are going to paradise." "I like that," I said.

The property has a rental cottage on it and there is a family of seven there this week, so we were all outside on the deck having dinner last night and the mom said, "This is paradise." "Yes! It is!" I replied. The fenced in yard is spacious and has beautiful gardens full of many varieties of roses, irises and much that has yet to bloom.

Today I looked up paradise in the Strong's Concordance and it said:

1. a place of future happiness



2. a place of blessedness

and today I would say BOTH are accurate.

Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. John 16:13

GODLY PERSPECTIVE

Photo credit

This morning I walked into church with a lady and I asked her how she was doing. She said, “I’m learning what it means to take care of myself.” I said, “Me too!” I told her that yesterday I went into Pine Mountain and had tea with friends and spent the whole day there and had a wonderful time of fellowship (practicing taking care of myself with time off).

As I sat down in church something was bubbling up inside of me and I said to another friend that “I was so excited I could scream.”

Midway through the service all these pieces came together in my head and gave me a beautiful revelation. The Lord showed me the reason I have trouble “taking care of myself” is because I don’t value you myself or see myself as beautiful, the way He sees me. He brought to mind the rusted enamel basin and pot I bought yesterday at an antique store. I saw them sitting outside and immediately I saw them as beautiful planters (they had value to me). That’s how He sees me with my rust spots, I’m beautiful and have purpose and value! You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7

When I got home with my treasures I went to a friends to borrow her husband’s drill to make drainage holes in the planters. As soon as she saw them she said, “Oh, no…I don’t like those.” I said, “I love them.” Her opinion of my treasures did not change my opinion at all, the same way that the enemy’s accusation of me does not change God’s opinion of me nor should other’s opinons of me change my own.

This morning before church I planted flowers in those pots and they were even more beautiful and He showed me as He plants His word in me I become more beautiful too.

It all comes down to understanding deep in my spirit who He says I am. This is not a new revelation just with a new tangible reference point. The planters sit on my front and back porches as constant reminders of the beauty He is planting in me and that I have great purpose too!

On a side note, when I planted the flowers in the pail I knew it needed a stand and thought an old wooden highchair would be perfect. Guess what I found in the trash on the way to church? Yes, an old highchair. I knocked on the women’s door to make sure she was getting rid of it, she said I could have it. Isn’t He just the best daddy EVER?

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecc 3:11

THE PROMISED LAND

Today I am 40!!! Praise the Lord! I am so grateful to Him for my life and all the blessings I have. I got a birthday card this week and it said something like, "40 is a great year for fresh starts." I was recalling it during breakfast yesterday and remembered the Israelites, they wandered around 40 years and then entered the Promised Land. I believe I am entering my Promised Land as I agree with the Lord about my life. Today during church the Lord gave me this in Exodus 14:

9But the Egyptians pursued after them, all the horses and chariots of Pharaoh, and his horsemen, and his army, and overtook them encamping by the sea, beside Pihahiroth, before Baalzephon.

10And when Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched after them; and they were sore afraid: and the children of Israel cried out unto the LORD.

11And they said unto Moses, Because there were no graves in Egypt, hast thou taken us away to die in the wilderness? wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us forth out of Egypt?

12Is not this the word that we did tell thee in Egypt, saying, Let us alone, that we may serve the Egyptians? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than that we should die in the wilderness.

13And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever.

14The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

That is so me...whining in the wilderness and wanting to go back and serve the Egyptians (sin, behaviors, idols, places) He is delivering me from...but Moses said, "...for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever."

Click here for links to my previous posts relating to my difficulty in staying in the season the Lord has me in. This verse gave me great revelation of the problem and great hope for the solution!

The Lord has told me, repeatedly, that some of the battles I am in now are going to be finished works (more on that later), so I look forward to entering in...

HOPING FOR SPRING

Hope can be defined as "joyous expectancy" and that is where I am at in the midst of a winter season, I am "hoping" for spring. If you have been here a while, you know all the Lord is teaching me about seasons (here, here, here and here) and I can happily report I am overcoming the fear and resting in the current season and not going back or forward. I was blessed to find this on Cheri Keaggy's site:

He said) ‘See, I am doing a new thing – do you not perceive (it)?’ Making a way in the desert - filling up wasteland with streams Yours is a story of Winter – but, child, you have believed That I am the Author of your life – and now I am writing your Spring

There are buds all around me and I can't wait to see them bloom (and unto Him be all the Glory)!

I'M STILL STANDING

Did you ever have one of these? I did and I loved it. Last night as I tried to fall asleep and replayed the events of the last few weeks in my mind, this is the picture that popped into my head. A few weeks ago as a couple of friends were praying for me I said, "I feel I keep getting the wind knocked out of me and everytime I stand up it happens again." Isn't it great to know that we are "weighted" and do not have to stay down?

One of my favorite songs a few years ago was Still Standing by Israel Houghton. Some of the lyrics are:

You gave me courage to believe that all your goodness I will see
and if it had not been for you standing on my side where would I be

Chorus: If not for your goodness if not for your grace I don't know where I
would be today if not for your kindness I never could say I'm still
standing if not for your mercy if not for your love I most likely would
have given up if not for your favor I never could say I'm still standing
but by the grace of God

To you I lift my offering and set my heart on higher things for
if it had not been for you standing on my side where would I be

In the middle of the song he gives an exhortation and this is what he says (my favorite part of the song), read it all, it is powerful:

I feel the need to explain something
This is not I’m still standing and I barely made it and I crawled into the building
Just pray for me brother and nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen kind of standing

When I was a kid I had one of those things that you could punch it and it’d go down and it would pop right back up because it was weighted on the bottom
That would preach wouldn’t it
So, this kind of still standing is
He’s hit me with his best shot
Life has poured all it could on me
And I got to bounce back in my spirit

Enjoy the song:



Psalm 27:13, 14
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD

Over the last few weeks I have had to deal with physical and emotional pain. I can tell you that I bounced back in my spirit long before my body caught up. It was exciting and challenging at the same time. My emotions and spirit were high, but my body was in pain and weak, so I had to wait on the Lord and what a blessing that was. My strength was renewed and I will soar on wings like eagles.

Joining Amy at Signs, Miracles and Wonders

80s FLASHBACK

The year was 1985 and I looked the part, fluorescent clothes (even make-up), uniquely 80s layered hair, ultra-teased with tons of Aquanet hairspray, thick belts, matching socks, earrings in every color and O-rings (remember Madonna wore them?). I probably would have never attempted some of what I did had I not been in the best company I had ever been in my whole life.

8th grade prom 1985 - me in the blue dress

The previous year I had come out of a school that was, by today’s standards, abusive to put it mildly and getting no better as I got older. After begging my mom to send me to another school and seeing she was not going to budge, I played the only card I had not played – I want to go live with my father! It was March I think and I was on a plane to Atlanta and I was going to be enrolled in public school for the first time in my life. Because I was the “new” kid from Miami, I was of interest to many. I made lots of friends, fast, I had only a handful in the school I left behind, despite my best efforts to “fit in”. After completing 7th grade I was on my way to high school, that is how it worked in the school district my dad lived in. My mother wanted me to come home and I said I would not go back to “that school”, so she agreed to let me attend another private school started by my first grade teacher.

Just for some background, I was terrified of school, I cried everyday, even some in college. In first grade I had Mrs. Santos, so it was better and my best friend Tina was in my class too. We were teacher’s pets, so we had no other friends, but that was okay because we had each other. Anyway, Mrs. Santos was the most loving woman I had ever met and I enjoyed being around and her and felt somewhat normal and safe in her presence.

Fast forward, it’s now 1984 and I am on my way to Mrs. Santos' school. She is the founder, principal and the 8th grade teacher. Now in my mind it just didn’t get any better than this, except that our 8th grade class was 20 strong and we were ALL friends. It was the best year of schooling for me and probably the happiest I ever was. Again, I felt loved and safe everyday! The school only went to 8th grade that meant graduation was inevitable. I was valedictorian for our class and had my speech prepared, but I cried the whole time, so Mrs. Santos read it. Everyone cried, and I mean cried a lot! We were like family and we were all going to different schools, I was actually moving about a half hour away. It was not a happy day!

Since 1985 I have kept in touch with Mrs. Santos yearly. Christmas cards, letters, visits and birth announcements. Our relationship has changed over the years as it should now that I am an adult. I have had two opportunities to see her this year. In February I took my kids to the school and showed them around and they got to meet her and her husband. It was a wonderful time. Then she said, that they would be having a tribute to my class this year at graduation and prom because it was the 25th anniversary of our graduation and we were the first graduating class. I was so excited. I began to feel the Lord’s gentle nudging that this was Him working.

Mrs. Santos invited me to give my speech from '85 at graduation and I was excited to have the opportunity, but even more excited when she gave me her blessing to say “whatever you want”. The Lord’s hand was moving. In prayer He lead me to verses of encouragement for the graduates. I asked her if she wanted me to tell her what I was going to say and she said she did not need to see it ahead of time.

I had the awesome opportunity to meet her, her family and the 8th grade graduates for a weekend of fun at Busch Gardens and Adventure Island just before graduation.

I was able to get in touch with a few friends from my graduating class and they were going to be at graduation too. It was thrilling! I had Isabella and Annais with me, which made it extra special.

On the drive down, I listened to Francis Chan’s Crazy Love and it solidified a lot of what I heard the Lord speaking to my heart. My kids and I had prayer time the day before and asked the Lord to prepare hearts for what He had to say.

Tuesday morning before graduation as I got ready the Lord spoke to me and said, “You were valedictorian 25 years ago because I have something to say to these people TODAY.” Wow, knock me over! This made it all the more exciting because my purpose was sure.

When Mrs. Santos introduced me she said that she was not giving a speech that day, that I was giving the principal’s address. Did you catch that? A high-school dropout with some college, the principal’s address? This is how God works. He instantly put me in position of authority and although most people there didn’t know me, I now had their attention. They would HEAR His word. She also said that I was here to give them a message of HOPE. Remember she did not know what I was going to say. So, for the first time I gave my speech, at least parts of it. I also shared the verses the Lord gave me and I told them that He loved them. That He died for them, individually and He has a purpose and a plan, a good one, for each of them. I told them 25 years ago I needed a family and the Lord sets the lonely in families and the Lord had brought me to that school. I told them how He rescued me out of deep waters because He delighted in me and how He delights in them. I told them their lives were before them and mine was still before me - in Him. I also shared with them what the Lord had spoken to my heart that morning, that HE had a message for them. I only spoke 8-10 minutes, but as I took my seat I was humbled by the opportunity the Lord gave me to share with people that I love. Best of all my oldest two were a part of all this and watched God work.

I went out to lunch with my two best friends from 8th grade and they both told me they were proud of me, even one of their husbands told me. I just smiled because I knew it was the Lord. They had nothing to be proud of me for. They don’t know what kind of house I live in, car I drive or much else about me for that matter, but they said they were proud. That just doesn’t “happen”. The world only tells us they are proud of us when we produce evidence that we are worthy of their praise. The only thing I shared with them was His love and now that - that is something to be PROUD of!


Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's - Psalm 103:4-5

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us Eph 3:20

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

TURNING POINT

As I sat in my first of two different services on Mother’s Day I never expected to be called to action. As I’ve mentioned before one of the songs that morning was called Potter’s Wheel by Daniel Bashta and the words are:

Make me
Shape me
Into everything that You want me to be

Make me
Shape me
Into everything that You want me to be and more

So place me on the potter’s wheel
Spin me until
There’s nothing left but You in my life
Cause brokenness is what I want
So do a work Yeah in my heart
So when You look at me
You see Your reflection

I sang those words with a deep desire for God to do the things in my heart that the song talks about. Worship is the biggest part of my relationship with God. It has become an act of prayer for me, it is where I connect with Him in deep and intimate ways and cry out to Him from the depths of my heart and spirit. It is where I truly see Him in all His glory, majesty and splendor. It doesn’t matter that I can’t carry a tune, I sing anyway! I just did not expect His first answer to come just after communion.

In a post a while back I talked about seasons and how I have tendency to go back to old seasons, which by the way is disobedience. I do it because I’m afraid, which by the way is a lack of trust. See how this is all fitting together? Trust and obey, there is no other way. Amazing how He does that. Anyway, in the post about seasons I talked about being wounded as a result of my disobedience. Well, shortly after that post the Lord told me to go to that person and repent and ask for forgiveness. I talked to him and told him I needed to come see him, but have not done it yet. I have a good relationship with him, so I am completely comfortable with doing this, but on Mother’s Day the Lord called me to repent not to that person (he wasn’t there), but to the senior pastor (who I do not have a relationship with) much more difficult. Because the Lord totally blew me away with the card I sent to Nita I was quick to obey, no hesitation or stalling this time. After the service I told my husband I would be right back and I headed straight for the pastor. I was already crying when I got there. His sermon that day was on trusting God and I realized that for a long time I had trusted the church, pastors, people, etc. more than I trusted God. I harbored anger, bitterness and unforgiveness towards them for things they were never supposed to do in the first place. So, I told him all this and repented to him and asked his forgiveness. He said he was sorry and I said I was sorry too and that was the end of that, but I knew something shifted in me spiritually at that moment.

I still plan on speaking to the other pastors, but I was obedient to what God told me to do that day. It released me and I felt lighter leaving. We are now back at the church, we’ve come full circle and I believe that was key in God releasing us to be back there. It is like coming home. I never wanted to leave in the first place and was SLOW to leave and, you guessed it, OBEY. I’ll share more about that next time because I don’t want this post to be too long and lose anyone. I will also share highlights of his sermon on trusting God, you don’t want to miss it.

God is faithful and trustworthy and ALWAYS has our best interest at heart.

Romans 2:4 Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?

SOMETHING I LEFT OUT

Follow-up to yesterday's post read first

The Lord reminded me of a very important lesson I left out from yesterday’s post. As I attempted to hold onto something that was not mine, the Lord asked me what else I was holding onto? What? Me? “Yes, you are holding onto many things that don’t belong to you!” Ouch! Of course, He was right and after careful examination this is what I came up with.

I hold onto behaviors that are not pleasing to the Lord, but since I don’t trust Him I rely on these behaviors to keep me “safe”. In reality I am not “safe” just deeper in bondage. A pastor approached me once and said, “The Lord says that the fear will not keep you safe, He will.” That is truth, but I hold onto the fear for dear life although the Lord says “FEAR NOT” in His word I think 365 times. I’m a slow learner sometimes.

I hold onto things because I am afraid of lacking. God says in His Word, “My people shall lack no good thing.” I have a hard time with that because of my trust issue, but I’m working on that. I will keep certain things in case I need them someday instead of trusting His provision. My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in Glory.

I hold onto relationships, ones that are dead or dying simply because I don’t want to let go or am afraid to let go. I was reminded of this recently when talking to a friend from elementary school. We haven’t spoken in over 20 years and she never asked me one question about me, but proceeded to talk about herself. She was no different back then, but I held onto the relationship. It made me sad that I was willing to maintain a relationship like that just to have a “friend”.

We all hold onto things that the Lord would rather see us let go of. Things that keep us from His BEST for us, things that keep us from His BLESSINGS, things that keep us from His WILL for our lives. I’m still recognizing things that I’m holding onto and asking Him to show me how to let go, because I cannot do it on my own.

I am reminded again of the blessing of obedience, if the Lord says let it go then I can let go in total peace and trust! Trust and obey, there is no other way.

TRUST AND OBEY, THERE IS NO OTHER WAY

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Words from a hymn written in 1887, but the words and message are timeless!

If I really sit down and think about why I do not obey, it usually comes down to a lack of trust.

At the end of March I took Judah for prayer for his ear infections. It had been a couple of years since I had been to that particular church’s prayer night. After they were done praying for me and Judah a lady called me over and handed me two pictures that she had painted for me while I was receiving prayer.

(Sorry for the terrible picture, I tried taking it over and over again. The text says, "I have set angels in charge over you. You are never alone.")

This one immediately ministered to me because Isabella had asked me to read the story of Jesus’ temptation in the desert before I left the house. For the first time the last line really stood out to me and became rhema:

Matthew 4:11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.

The next picture ministered to me for a moment and I cried, but the Lord told me this one was not for me and He told me who it was for.




A little girl approached me as I left and handed me yet another painting (above) and said that it was “the Lord’s presence”. Needless to say I was extremely blessed and full leaving there that night. I came home and taped the two pictures from the lady to my bathroom mirror and gave the one from the little girl to Isabella.

The Lord kept gently reminding me to send the one of the jar with tears to someone else. I hesitated, I stalled, I flat out disobeyed. I wanted that for myself, I wanted the constant reminder that He sees ME. I could not let go of that tangible reminder. I was feeling forgotten by God, unseen, desperate for Him and I did NOT trust Him.

About a month later I knew that I would be seeing the lady who the picture was for, so I sat down with the picture, a card and a pen. I cried. I mean really cried. I wrote to her telling her that the Lord said this was for her and that I did not want to give it to her, but He was telling me to trust Him. I put the picture in the card and sealed the envelope and headed to the meeting. She was not there. I asked someone if they would see her and they said they would not – maybe I could just keep it after all? No! I addressed it and put it in the mailbox. My well meaning son brought me the mail, not really, it was just the card that I had put in there. Hmmm, maybe I could still keep it? No! I explained to him that it was outgoing mail and asked him to take it back. Two days later I read this (please click on the link and read Nita's post, it is overwhelming). I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God, I cried and cried. The blessing for me was not in the keeping of that which did not belong to me, but the giving it away. Despite my disobedience the Lord used that picture at the perfect time to bless Nita and Drew. I was left speechless at what the Lord did.

You know what the message was at the meeting that night, the night that I took the picture to its rightful owner...That God in the Old Testament is El Roi, THE GOD WHO SEES.

This is not to puff myself up or pat myself on the back for my obedience, I just want to share the result of obedience (even delayed obedience). The Lord used this situation to show me that the blessing is in the obedience. He was preparing me for an even greater task just a week later…I’ll share that next time.

Until then, do you really trust Him? Are you obeying Him? If not, why not? The more I learn to trust Him the easier it is to obey Him especially when I see how He took my mustard seed and multiplied it!

A DECADE AGO

April 8th, 2000 at 6:30 in the evening Todd and I said, "I DO." It was a beautiful and very personal ceremony. Our little 3.5 pound Yorkie was our ring bearer, Todd's dad sang a beautiful song to us and Todd surprised me with Cross My Heart by George Strait. Todd is an incredible singer and it was awesome to have him singing to me. Did you see Pure Country? Check it out, George Strait sings it to his love interest in the movie - I bawled! My friend Malorie and her husband shared the Blessings of Grace, a personal biblical exhortation of Christ, husband, wife and marriage. It was all I ever dreamed of. It was not my first marriage, but it was my first marriage since becoming a believer in Jesus Christ. All my hopes were in the fact that Todd and I both loved God and I secretly hoped it would be enough and feared it wouldn't. Little did I know then!

So, much has happened since that day 10 years ago. We relocated to Georgia two months after our wedding. We've moved four times. There have been job changes, disappointments, blessings and 1-2-3-4 AWESOME kids.

Tonight, with four kids at the next table, we will celebrate not only 10 years of marriage, but 10 years of God's faithfulness, blessings, love and provision. I set up a card table in the den with the glasses that were served at our cabin in the mountains at our dinner for two. The clock represents the cabin's name "Time Stops Here" that we stayed in. The one thing not on the table during our honeymoon are the envelopes in the bottom right corner addressed to "mom and dad".

Music from our wedding will be playing while we eat and I asked Todd to bring home a VCR, so together with our precious children we can watch our wedding video.

I still do not know what our future holds (nor will I ever), but I know God has good plans for us, plans to give us a hope and a future. I've had so much revelation in the area of our marriage this last week, I could not possibly fit it in one post. Maybe more on that later, but for now we CELEBRATE!!!

We have been visiting a local church for their marriage series, "I Want a New Marriage" and although simple, it was incredibly powerful. On the third week of the message the pastor's wife shared from her perspective and I gained so much insight and "freedom" from that. You can listen to the podcasts here and I highly recommend it!

The following is printed with permission:

When I told the kids that I was going to take a shower, Isabella said, "Go ahead mommy, you deserve to take a shower after being married to daddy for ten years." Oh, out of the mouth of babes!

THE CANADIANS, THE MINNESOTANS, A GEORGIAN AND ME

A week ago I was blessed to attend a week long conference at my church. I have been to this conference before, but not alone and not without all my kids close by, so to be there by myself was a miracle and a blessing. My husband and I discussed this last year and agreed that this year I would go solo. He took a week’s vacation and I was off to spend time with the Lord, much needed time I might add.

This year has been one of the hardest years I have had since becoming a Christian a little over ten years ago. One thing that changed significantly was the time I spent with the Lord; this was due to some time constraints and largely due to confusing what the enemy was doing in my life for God. Be careful, the enemy comes as an angel of light and it will sound so good and so spiritual, but in reality he is planning your death! What I thought was the Lord speaking to me was the enemy and he knew he was orchestrating circumstances, so that when I needed the Lord the most my intimacy with Him would be at an all time low.

After recognizing this I repented and cried out to the Lord and told Him how much I missed Him and how much I wanted our intimacy back. He answered that prayer a hundred fold. I know He never left, but in confusion I did.

Anyway, back to the conference. I drove the two hours to our church, checked in and expectantly waited to meet my Daddy. I stayed with a lady from the church which was just the perfect place for me; she was kind and prayed for me Sunday just after orientation. During orientation I met a girl who lives about an hour from me and we sat next to each other and there we stayed all week.

Monday I woke up excited, I could hardly wait to see what the Lord had in store for me. I got ready and walked out of the house with my tea travel mug…it was going to be a GREAT day! When I got in the car it said 7:15 a.m., what? I did not have to leave until 8:15 a.m. I headed back in the house and put in a CD. It was Kutless’ Strong Tower. As I listened to Ready for You my spirit soared and I surrendered myself to Him to make His will be done.

Ready For You

Lord, You take my heart away with Your love
and I am willing to put on my faith in Your plan.

Come and take my life.
Make my soul refreshed in truth now.

I am ready for You.
Take my heart and make me new now.
I am ready for You
to come and fill my soul.

Cleanse all of my mind that is not of You.
Break me, teaching me how to find rest in Your hands.

Come and take my life.
Make my soul refreshed in truth now.

I am ready for You.
Take my heart and make me new now.
I am ready for You
to come and fill my soul.
To come and fill my soul.

Whatever it takes,
I'm needing to make Your will be done
and I'm letting go of my control,
for I see what You've done in me.

I am ready for You.
Take my heart and make me new now.
I am ready for You
to come and fill my soul.


Walking towards the church Monday morning I saw Dianne heading towards me and I said, “Hi Dianne.” She cupped her hands over her eyes and squinted and asked, “Who is it?” I said, “It’s Mari.” She grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to see the sun, it was bright and blinding. She said, “That was all I could see.” I replied, “That is what you should see when you look at me” and finished with Isaiah 60:1 “Arise shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord shines upon you.” As I walked into the church I began to cry because that was such a sweet gift from the Lord to start off my week with Him.

We assembled in the church at 8:30 and began with worship and were then notified that the heat was broken, it was a record cold snap for Georgia. Oh, that devil he’ll try anything to distract God’s children. Not happening! I wrapped up in everything I had and borrowed whatever I could get from my brother who works at the church.

As we finished for the day several of us started talking and before I knew it there were several of us going to a local pizza place for dinner. There was John, Roxanna and Michael (their son) now known as the Canadians, Marie and Kate (mother and daughter) now known as the Minnesotans, Kim (who lives close to me) now known as the Georgian (until we can come up with a better name) and me. We laughed and shared at dinner before heading back to church for a teaching on the Father’s Love and our first ministry session. It was a perfect day in the Lord.

I headed back to where I was staying full and grateful and expectant. I did my homework for the night and had a wonderful night’s sleep.

There is much more about my week that I will share, but this is about the fellowship that Father God provided for me last week. My heart was broken, I was lonely and very afraid when I got there and He surrounded me with generous, loving people that became like family in a very short time.

We said our goodbye’s Friday night after the celebration service and the Minnesotans came back with me and we talked late into the night. We gathered for breakfast before everyone headed off and took a picture (sadly without Kim) and then the Canadians came home with me - to my real house.

We ate cake that Isabella made the night before at her Keeper’s class, had lots of tea, ate Chinese food and just hung out…like family. It was a perfect end to my week. They headed back to church for another week long conference, so the kids and I were able to see them one last time last night for our final meal together (for now).

I am a different person than I was the week before the conference; God met me in some amazing ways. He changed me and He blessed me. He also used some Canadians, some Minnesotans and a Georgian to love on me. It was a wonderful week in the Lord and I am excited about the fruit I will bear from a life-changing experience.


Here is Kutless’ video – it is an amazing song: