Anything I post regarding my marriage has been read (and approved) by my husband.
For the last nine months I have been “waiting” – not only for the birth of my child, but the restoration of my marriage*. It was just before I got pregnant that the Lord told me He was getting ready to move on my behalf in my marriage, He was going to loose me from the situation that I had been pleading with Him to loose me from. I had no idea what that meant exactly, but it gave me great hope. I called a friend and told her what the Lord said to me through laughter and tears and she asked what did that mean and I said “I have no idea, but I just had to tell someone.” I also knew He did not give me a time frame, so now I was to WAIT.
The song While I’m Waiting by John Waller from the movie Fireproof became the cry of my heart (lyrics and video at the end of this post). I began to watch my husband slip away to places he had never been before. My only hope was the Lord and what He had promised me. My complete TRUST had to be in Him. Sometimes the pain of watching my husband retreat into isolation and darkness was almost unbearable, but the Lord was ALWAYS faithful.
Regardless of the situation or circumstances I had to move ahead – I had a three children and one on the way to take care of. Obedience became key as God was orchestrating His plan even in the midst of the pain. My obedience brought criticism, judgment, gossip and loss of friendships. Temporary separation from others was important as I sought to hear His voice among the noise of well-meaning, Christian friends. He began to show me that even godly counsel not in line with His will from my life and my marriage is ungodly. I will not deceive you into believing I was obedient every step of the way, I was not, I faltered frequently into fear and self-pity. Again, the Lord was faithful.
What was I to do when everything seemed to be heading in the opposite direction of what the Lord had promised? Worship. Worship. Worship. He had already given me the promise of Judah and had taught me to praise Him despite my circumstances. He had brought me to a place of trust and I knew I must remain there.
As the journey continued He covered me with peace and protection. As I let Him fight (Exodus 14:14) the battle that ensued – I took my peace. The battle seemed endless and was taking its toll on me. I continued to battle despite times of hopelessness and discouragement and I still had His words to me. I knew I must press on.
I had decisions to make - was I going to be in fear or be in peace? I chose PEACE. Was I going to nurse self-pity or serve Him? I was going to SERVE HIM no matter what.
There is so much more to this story, but I am sharing the part that goes with this song because it was such an integral part of my journey and is very much part of the testimony. Every time I heard this song I bawled because it was my hearts cry to serve the Lord despite my situation. I did not know how He was going to come through for me, but He said He would and I believed Him even in the pain.
God has fulfilled His promise to me and I will share the beauty of that soon. Enjoy this song and if you are “waiting” remember they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint (Isaiah 40:31).
*The battle did not begin nine months ago, I have honestly been waiting nine years for what the Lord has done...He only gave me the promise nine months ago.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:12-13