Pride, control and shame are just a few pieces of baggage I carried along with the phrase, “Behind every good man there is a good woman.” Again, I didn’t know this was “just a saying” or a “myth” – I bought it lock, stock and barrel. In my mind God not only wanted me to help myself, He wanted me to help my husband too. I hauled around a lot of false responsibilities as a young woman that He never designed me to carry.
When God created marriage He never intended for us to be responsible for each other’s actions. He was creating a picture of His Son’s love for the church (Ephesians 5). A canvas colored with love, patience and forgiveness. The lie I believed left mine covered with anger, resentment and criticism - not a good way to start a marriage.
At 18 I got married and had been told numerous times, “Behind every good man there is a good woman.” It then became my purpose to make my husband “good” even though I had no clue what that meant and I did not actually see myself as good either. How could I considering the lies I was living by? My thought process went like this, my husband is not ambitious, therefore, he is bad and if he is bad I must be bad and everyone will know it. Ouch! It was a lose lose situation.
I was trying to be a “good woman”, so he could be a “good man” not realizing I was putting myself in a position of control. In reality I was making myself a roadblock to what God wanted to do in him. Not only did I buy this lie, but I was sucked into believing that I had control in some way. Control in itself is a lie because we don’t have it – we NEVER have it. If you think you have control, you’ve just bought a lie.
Needless to say, that marriage did not work out. Not only did I live and die by false beliefs, neither of us had a relationship with the Lord. In all our striving and attempts to fix ourselves, each other and our marriage we failed miserably because we were working toward the worldly façade of a “happy” marriage. That was half a lifetime ago for me and in that time I have been transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2). The renewing of my mind was the only thing that was going to clear up the lies, confusion and crazy thoughts in my head.
This myth could be truthful if stated this way, “Behind every good man there is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.” It would also alleviate a lot of false guilt and responsibility that wives carry around.