FAMILY UNPLANNING

It was 1999 and Todd and I were at dinner with several people from church. There was a couple there I had never met, but had known Todd since he was a child. They addressed me with the question, “How many children are you planning on having?” This is what I said…

“We will have as many children as we can afford to have.”

The couple was very impressed with my answer and it seemed to go over well with everyone else at the table, including Todd’s parents. So, it convinced me it was a “right and good” answer.

Well, that was ten years and four children ago and I would have to say that was one of my MOST “faithless” comments. At the time I had just become a Christian and had no idea what it meant to fully submit to His Lordship (and am still learning and growing) and it would be several years before I understood it in the area of children. If I had not sought after the Lord in desperate need of His wisdom, love and grace, I may have not experienced the joy, freedom and healing that has come from each pregnancy and birth experience.

1 Timothy 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved (click here for an explanation of the fullness of "saved" in this context) in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

To say “we will have as many as we can afford” showed my lack of faith, relationship and trust in God and also my self-reliance. Since that time Todd and I have embraced the gift and blessings that our children are and know that for us, now, the only answer to the question, “Are you done having children?” is “We do not know.”

My pregnancies and post-partum periods have not been a bed of roses, so I do not say this casually because it has all been easy. I was riddled with fear my first pregnancy, which only increased with delivery by emergency c-section followed by severe post-partum depression. Click here to read an article "How Fear Affects the Body" My second pregnancy I had heart palpitations and Annais was born with kidney reflux. After his birth I met God as my healer and began to understand the provisions already made for my healing. My pregnancy with Kaira was wonderful and this pregnancy with Judah at age 37 (will be 38 a few weeks after his birth) has been the most incredible experience of my life. I have not had one cold, virus or infection this whole pregnancy. This is the first time in my WHOLE life that I have gone this many months without being sick, praise God!

So, for those who so comically ask us, “Do you know where babies come from?” The answer is ABSOLUTELY, and we look forward to as many blessings He wants to give us. God says, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee…” My pregnancies may surprise some, but they are no surprise to the one who birthed my children first in His heart.

In Proverbs 16:9 it says “A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps” and was that was so true for me, but the problem was my heart was not right, so I devised my plans from a place of pain and bondage. My heart was broken and wounded and only after allowing the Lord to heal my heart could I agree with His plans for our family.