SOMETHING I LEFT OUT

Follow-up to yesterday's post read first

The Lord reminded me of a very important lesson I left out from yesterday’s post. As I attempted to hold onto something that was not mine, the Lord asked me what else I was holding onto? What? Me? “Yes, you are holding onto many things that don’t belong to you!” Ouch! Of course, He was right and after careful examination this is what I came up with.

I hold onto behaviors that are not pleasing to the Lord, but since I don’t trust Him I rely on these behaviors to keep me “safe”. In reality I am not “safe” just deeper in bondage. A pastor approached me once and said, “The Lord says that the fear will not keep you safe, He will.” That is truth, but I hold onto the fear for dear life although the Lord says “FEAR NOT” in His word I think 365 times. I’m a slow learner sometimes.

I hold onto things because I am afraid of lacking. God says in His Word, “My people shall lack no good thing.” I have a hard time with that because of my trust issue, but I’m working on that. I will keep certain things in case I need them someday instead of trusting His provision. My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in Glory.

I hold onto relationships, ones that are dead or dying simply because I don’t want to let go or am afraid to let go. I was reminded of this recently when talking to a friend from elementary school. We haven’t spoken in over 20 years and she never asked me one question about me, but proceeded to talk about herself. She was no different back then, but I held onto the relationship. It made me sad that I was willing to maintain a relationship like that just to have a “friend”.

We all hold onto things that the Lord would rather see us let go of. Things that keep us from His BEST for us, things that keep us from His BLESSINGS, things that keep us from His WILL for our lives. I’m still recognizing things that I’m holding onto and asking Him to show me how to let go, because I cannot do it on my own.

I am reminded again of the blessing of obedience, if the Lord says let it go then I can let go in total peace and trust! Trust and obey, there is no other way.

TRUST AND OBEY, THERE IS NO OTHER WAY

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Words from a hymn written in 1887, but the words and message are timeless!

If I really sit down and think about why I do not obey, it usually comes down to a lack of trust.

At the end of March I took Judah for prayer for his ear infections. It had been a couple of years since I had been to that particular church’s prayer night. After they were done praying for me and Judah a lady called me over and handed me two pictures that she had painted for me while I was receiving prayer.

(Sorry for the terrible picture, I tried taking it over and over again. The text says, "I have set angels in charge over you. You are never alone.")

This one immediately ministered to me because Isabella had asked me to read the story of Jesus’ temptation in the desert before I left the house. For the first time the last line really stood out to me and became rhema:

Matthew 4:11 Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.

The next picture ministered to me for a moment and I cried, but the Lord told me this one was not for me and He told me who it was for.




A little girl approached me as I left and handed me yet another painting (above) and said that it was “the Lord’s presence”. Needless to say I was extremely blessed and full leaving there that night. I came home and taped the two pictures from the lady to my bathroom mirror and gave the one from the little girl to Isabella.

The Lord kept gently reminding me to send the one of the jar with tears to someone else. I hesitated, I stalled, I flat out disobeyed. I wanted that for myself, I wanted the constant reminder that He sees ME. I could not let go of that tangible reminder. I was feeling forgotten by God, unseen, desperate for Him and I did NOT trust Him.

About a month later I knew that I would be seeing the lady who the picture was for, so I sat down with the picture, a card and a pen. I cried. I mean really cried. I wrote to her telling her that the Lord said this was for her and that I did not want to give it to her, but He was telling me to trust Him. I put the picture in the card and sealed the envelope and headed to the meeting. She was not there. I asked someone if they would see her and they said they would not – maybe I could just keep it after all? No! I addressed it and put it in the mailbox. My well meaning son brought me the mail, not really, it was just the card that I had put in there. Hmmm, maybe I could still keep it? No! I explained to him that it was outgoing mail and asked him to take it back. Two days later I read this (please click on the link and read Nita's post, it is overwhelming). I was overwhelmed with the goodness of God, I cried and cried. The blessing for me was not in the keeping of that which did not belong to me, but the giving it away. Despite my disobedience the Lord used that picture at the perfect time to bless Nita and Drew. I was left speechless at what the Lord did.

You know what the message was at the meeting that night, the night that I took the picture to its rightful owner...That God in the Old Testament is El Roi, THE GOD WHO SEES.

This is not to puff myself up or pat myself on the back for my obedience, I just want to share the result of obedience (even delayed obedience). The Lord used this situation to show me that the blessing is in the obedience. He was preparing me for an even greater task just a week later…I’ll share that next time.

Until then, do you really trust Him? Are you obeying Him? If not, why not? The more I learn to trust Him the easier it is to obey Him especially when I see how He took my mustard seed and multiplied it!

PHONE ETIQUETTE

Our home phone seldom rings, so my kids have very little opportunity to practice phone etiquette. Today my oldest answered and said to her daddy, "Daddy, it's a lady for you, are you giving ladies your phone number?" I'm sure the lady was laughing, I WAS! The lady, from Best Buy, called back and she said to her daddy, "Daddy, it's another lady for you!" This time the lady WAS laughing and asked my husband if he got a lot of phone calls from "ladies"? He said, "No, that is why it is SO FUNNY."

Maybe I should unplug the phone and have them practice answering or maybe I won't and use this as one of the many ways I get my entertainment.

FREE AUDIOBOOK DOWNLOAD OF THE MONTH

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Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit (Unabridged) by Francis Chan

A follow up to the profound message of Crazy Love, Pastor Francis Chan offers a compelling invitation to understand, embrace, and follow the Holy Spirit's direction in our lives. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We pray in the name of all three, but how often do we live with an awareness of only the first two?
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I just downloaded my FREE audiobook, Crazy Love, from last year. You have a year to download. I'm headed to Flordia for a few days for a 25th year 8th grade graduation reunion (more on that later) and the books will be a treat for the ride!

THE TRUTH ABOUT HOMESCHOOLING

This post is strictly my opinion and my experience.

The truth is I never wanted to homeschool. It was never something I thought about, not even once. When people would ask me if I was going to homeschool I would ALWAYS say I don’t plan to, but if God calls me to I will. Did I realize what I was saying at the time? No! Maybe I NEVER really thought He would call me, that is until He told me I was already called.

I’ve shared my story here

We are wrapping up our fourth year of homeschool. I don’t have a long-term plan for this and MANY people ask how long I plan to do this? This? Like it is some sort of phase I’m going through. Some in the homeschool world say you HAVE TO be committed to this for the long haul and I’m not there yet. I still take this year by year and honestly lately I want to put my kids in school EVERYDAY. Why, you ask? It is hard. Not the homeschooling part, but everything else.

Judah has been sick with ear infections for six months and wants and needs more from me than I have to give in any given day. Kaira is dealing with some issues right now, that I do not feel equipped to deal with. The atmosphere in the house because of marital issues is less than pleasant and that affects everyone. Sometimes I feel I do not have anything left to give to the two I'm supposed to be teaching. We are working on getting along with siblings, but my husband and I don't get along...I feel a little hypocritical.

I am with my kids 24 hours a day seven days a week. My house is used as a primary residence, it houses a small business and triples as a one room schoolhouse, so you can imagine the activity here. Sometimes ALL the activity becomes overwhelming and I just want a break, but there is no where to run (so to speak) and no where to hide. This is my life. I’m not unhappy with it, just overwhelmed. There are no mornings to clean the house or grocery shop. I wipe a counter while I wait for toast to pop-up or throw a load of laundry in when everyone is sitting at the table for lunch. Then my husband will ask days later how long ago did you start the washer and the answer is always the same, “I don’t know.” When my husband gets home it’s dinner time and then I usually work if I don’t pass out before I hit the computer.

Homeschooling is hard! It is not hard to teach the kids they WANT to learn and LOVE to learn. It is not hard to teach different ages at the same time. It is hard because it stretches me in ways I never imagined. It brings my character flaws, imperfections, personality idiosyncrasies and all that other stuff to light EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even writing this I want to cry and probably will before I’m done.

I am aware how much easier I have it than the homeschool moms before me and I am not minimizing their sacrifice in any way. I am just being honest. These are MY struggles right now. With four kids eight and under I am in a constant state of motion and sometimes I just want to be still. Even when I can get away for the occasional few hours by myself I am still doing something for my family or working. It is like being on a merry-go-round and not being able to stop.

My husband does not understand my inner struggle. He either thinks I’m double minded or just plain crazy. He thinks homeschooling is the best for the kids, but that is where his involvement ends. My kids thrive on being at home and have excelled in ways at early ages I never thought possible. I do not run a rigid homeschool and we are not work, work, work - they have a natural love for learning and an environment in which to do so. I have also been able to see so many milestones reached that I would have missed if they were not here.

The TRUTH is I love it, not every minute of it, but for the most part. I love to teach, I get to use my creativity and be productive. Just last week we made corn syrup paintings, they were AWESOME until Kaira put hers upside down on the carpet and stepped on them, on purpose. The fun was OVER at that point and I unraveled quickly.

I’m considering preschool in the fall for the two littlest ones (I hear the gasps from the homeschool community), good thing I’m not out to win a homeschool mom of the year award. Right now I basically just want to make it through another homeschool day. If Mother’s Morning Out helps me do that with a little less stress than so be it.

I do not know what next year holds for us, let alone tomorrow. We have less than a month and a half before we finish this year and I am counting the days. I’m praying God will give me insight and wisdom on how to proceed with this High and Holy calling.

SPEECHLESS!

Isn't it amazing how God speaks to us in the just the right way, at just the right time? I'm left speechless after reading My Lesson from Job tonight because it spoke so tenderly to my heart:

It begins...

Today I randomly decided to read some things I highlighted in the book of Job. I found myself reading from chapter 32 all the way to the end of the book! Things really started making sense to me like they hadn't before. It really fit in with some of the things I've been learning lately about trusting God and His Holiness....

read full post here, you will be blessed!

SOMETIMES...

words aren't necessary!